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InterMails

Please do not try to access intermails not meant for you. Thank you.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

As you have all heard by now, I have been appointed the new CEO of the AlethiCorp group, replacing Alice Sheldon. AlethiCorp has performed well under Alice, but there have been challenges, mostly relating to lack of synergy. All too often, consultants from different teams turn out to have been working on pieces of the same puzzle, without ever realizing it. My first priority as new CEO will be to ameliorate this problem by ensuring a greater degree of cross-team communication and synergistic interaction. Together, we will take AlethiCorp to new heights!

I would also like to welcome all the new employees that have recently joined the AlethiCorp family. It’s great to see the group growing so fast. I have no doubt that you will all find your career with AlethiCorp to be both rewarding and meaningful.

Alex DuMaurier

Central Executive Officer

You may have noticed that our website is currently suffering from yet another hacker infestation. The culprits are probably the usual IAM people.

We are working round the clock to fix the problem, but the IT security department is a bit understaffed. Apparently, securing our own website is not considered a priority. As long as the problem doesn’t spread beyond the public page, what could possibly go wrong? The security holes should be fixed in a few days. In the meantime, report all suspicious web activity.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Good morning, FIRSTNAME!

First, let me heartily welcome you to the AlethiCorp family! You will be working under my supervision, as part of the personal information team. We all look forward to working with you.

To begin with, I’ve found a straightforward assignment for you, to help you get familiar with the work you will be doing. Go to the Information section, and take a look at the available data. I have given you access to some information related to a certain Martin Brightfield. Mr. Brightfield recently published a mildly controversial novel, and a client would like us to perform a background check.

If you find anything interesting, flag it for further investigation. Now, we have limited resources, so please don’t flag more than three items to begin with. For the same reason, feel free to delete all the useless chatter no one will ever need.

Oh, and make sure you read Andrea Schueler’s analysis of the book. Miss Schueler is one of our foremost experts on subversive literature.

Also, while you have access to the InterMail system, please keep in mind that most employees are way too busy to spend all day answering mails. Why, most days I barely have time to skim my mails for important points!

Once you’re done, remember to log your work hours at the Timelog section. I look forward to seeing if you find anything. We’ll talk more at the afternoon Haka meeting, later today. See you then!

PS: If you have no idea what an afternoon Haka meeting is, you should take the Introduction to Haka course, available at the online University :).

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Good morning, Team! Last week was very productive. As usual, you have done an excellent job locating the important snippets of information in the sea of irrelevant clutter that fills the AlethiCorp databases. However, management is concerned that a greater than normal percentage of people examined have been determined to be unsuspicious. Obviously, you can’t find what isn’t there, but let’s be extra diligent that we aren’t missing any genuine suspicious activity. Sometimes, it can be easy to miss the forest for the trees. Remember: The price of freedom is eternal vigilance!

Also, I would like to welcome FIRSTNAME LASTNAME to the personal information team! Let us all do our best to make FIRSTNAME feel at home. There will be cake in the kitchen later.

With that, now it’s time for...

Train of the week!

An old but reliable model, this train engine steadfastly carries on, transporting its cargo through a winding route between the wooded hills. Like the train, we should do our jobs without caring how we look, never losing sight of the trees on our route.

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Hi, FIRSTNAME!

Good to see new additions to the team :). You're just in time for the team potluck this evening. Hurry up, and sign up at the Social section!

You can pick something to bring, if you want to, but it's fine if you don't have time to make anything. I realise it's short notice, and the important thing is that we have fun together!

We all hope to see you there!

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Dear TITLE LASTNAME

The Information Acquisition department has reviewed the reports you have tagged for further enquiry and taken appropriate actions to investigate.

Several new pieces of information have been retrieved and are available for your perusal.

If you need further assistance, we will contact you.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

Information Acquisition is quite busy, so please don't flag so many reports in the future.

We reviewed a sample of your flagged reports but didn't have time for all of them.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

Well, aren't you a nice little corporate drone?

Only been here a day, and you're already dispatching people to violate the privacy of others. Do you understand the power you yield?

If you start to develop a conscience, let's get in touch.

You can find out more at a place that only you will be able to see...

P.S: You need to find us today. Time is of the essence.

Omega

Dear TITLE LASTNAME

The Information Acquisition department has reviewed the reports you have tagged for further enquiry and taken appropriate actions to investigate.

No new information of interest has been discovered.

To avoid waste of resources, please try to ensure that you only tag reports likely to yield useful discoveries.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

You didn't find anything of interest to Information Acquisition? You're either incompetent, or you've decided these poor people deserve to be left alone.

Perhaps you understand the consequences of the power you yield?

If you've genuinely started to develop a conscience, let's get in touch.

You can find out more at a place that only you will be able to see...

P.S: You need to find us today. Time is of the essence.

Omega

You didn't find any of this suspicious? You're either incompetent, or you've decided these poor people deserve to be left alone.

Perhaps you understand the consequences of the power you yield?

If you've genuinely started to develop a conscience, let's get in touch.

You can find out more at a place that only you will be able to see...

P.S: You need to find us today. Time is of the essence.

Omega

Ha ha, you deleted all the data they gave you? You're either incompetent, or you've decided these poor people deserve some privacy. I can't wait to tell Alpha about this!

Perhaps you understand the consequences of the power you yield?

If you've genuinely started to develop a conscience, let's get in touch. I like your style, but you'll have to learn to be more discreet.

You can find out more at a place that only you will be able to see...

P.S: You need to find us today. Time is of the essence.

Omega

Wow! Not only didn't you find any of this suspicious, you also managed to delete the one piece of information that might have led somewhere. You're either incompetent, or you've decided these poor people deserve some privacy.

Perhaps you understand the consequences of the power you yield?

If you've genuinely started to develop a conscience, let's get in touch. I like your style so far.

You can find out more at a place that only you will be able to see...

P.S: You need to find us today. Time is of the essence.

Omega

Good morning, FIRSTNAME

It was great to see you yesterday! We all loved your contribution. You simply must give me the recipe!

Don't feel obligated to make a huge effort every time, though. The important thing is to be there. Getting to know your colleagues is important for both team-building and job satisfaction!

As for now, you should sign up for the onboarding event tomorrow morning. This is a great opportunity to meet the other recent employees and learn about the history of the company! You don't need to bring anything but a cheerful mood and a sunny disposition :).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Good morning, FIRSTNAME

I'm sorry you couldn't make it to the potluck yesterday, but I know it can be hard to make time on such short notice.

You should try to prioritize social events in the future, though. Getting to know your colleagues is important for both team-building and job satisfaction!

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Good morning, FIRSTNAME

It was great to see you yesterday! It's too bad you didn't have time to cook anything, but that's fine. The important thing is that you were there. Getting to know your colleagues is important for both team-building and job satisfaction!

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Good morning, FIRSTNAME

It was great to see you yesterday! I think this is the first time anyone has ever brought a trained bear to a company potluck! People will be talking about this for a loooong time. You must tell me more about your hobby some day.

I hope you will keep showing up for the social events, but don't feel obligated to do something big every time. The important thing is that we get to know each other!

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Good morning, FIRSTNAME

It was great to see you yesterday! I think you may have misunderstood the purpose of a potluck, though. You're supposed to bring a dish, not just a spatula!

Don't worry about it, though :). The important thing is that you were there. Getting to know your colleagues is important for both team-building and job satisfaction!

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Hi, FIRSTNAME

I see you managed to find some really suspicious pieces of information :). That's great. Some of our consultants let way too many things pass, if you ask me. I must confess that I wasn't expecting this case to lead anywhere interesting, so I'm pleasantly surprised.

The information you flagged led our agents to a subversive student meeting, and several pieces of subversive literature have been seized! Great job. Keep up that kind of work, and you'll be a grade B in no time. All the new information has been made available to you. See if there is anything that merits further investigation.

The investigation is being upgraded to grade B, so you will be reporting to Shào Jingfei from now on. I'm sure you two will get along fine. Miss Shào is an experienced consultant, and you are showing a lot of promise already :).

Furthermore, there is a journalist doing a report on subversive tendencies in the Cambridge academic community, and our client feels that this might uncover some useful information. Information regarding this individual has been added as well.

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Wait, did you seriously just delete ALL the data I gave you access to?

FIRSTNAME, I'm sorry but I find it very hard to believe that every single piece of data was completely useless. Just because something doesn't merit further investigation, doesn't mean it can't prove useful in the future. Please try to keep that in mind. I sure hope none of it was important.

It's my mistake, really. I shouldn't have given you so much responsibility on your first day. What was I thinking?!

As it happens, I have a new assignment for you. There is a journalist doing a report on subversive tendencies in the Cambridge academic community, and our client feels that this might uncover some useful information.

Furthermore, it turns out that a routine sweep of the Cambridge campus area has uncovered something that may be related to your original assignment: A crate of subversive pamphlets apparently written by some of the students! Check out Andrea Schueler's analysis, and try to see if you can figure out who is responsible.

Since you're obviously not ready to work alone, you will be reporting to Shào Jingfei. Miss Shào is an experienced consultant and will be responsible for monitoring your work. I hope you have learned from your mistake and will do a better job this time.

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Hi, FIRSTNAME

Did you really not find any of the information suspicious or meriting further investigation? Remember what I wrote about the need to be vigilant, so things don't slip through?

Luckily, I had a more experienced consultant, Miss Shào Jingfei, go through the reports, to ensure you didn't miss anything. She flagged a phone conversation that led our agents to a subversive meeting! The information should be available to you now. Make sure you read it properly this time!

To ensure that nothing is missed, you will be reporting to Shào Jingfei from now on. Miss Shào is an experienced consultant and will be responsible for monitoring your work. Make sure you don't miss anything!

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Hi, FIRSTNAME

Did you really not find any of the information suspicious or meriting further investigation? It's ok if that's really the case, but try to be vigilant, so things don't slip through the cracks :).

It turns out that a routine sweep of the Cambridge campus area has uncovered something that may be related to your original assignment: A crate of subversive pamphlets apparently written by some of the students! Andrea Schueler thinks it's important enough to merit a higher grade of surveillance.

To ensure that nothing is missed, you will be reporting to Shào Jingfei. Miss Shào is an experienced consultant and will be responsible for monitoring your work. Make sure you don't miss anything!

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Hi, FIRSTNAME

I see you managed to find some suspicious pieces of information :). That's good. Some of our consultants let way too many things pass, if you ask me.

However, you seem to have missed an important piece of the puzzle. Luckily, I had a more experienced consultant, Miss Shào Jingfei, go through the reports, to ensure you didn't miss anything important. She flagged a phone conversation that led our agents to a subversive meeting! The information should be available to you now. Make sure you don't miss anything this time.

To ensure that nothing is missed, you will be reporting to Shào Jingfei from now on. Miss Shào is an experienced consultant and will be responsible for monitoring your work. I hope you have learned to be extra diligent :).

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Hi, FIRSTNAME

I see you managed to find some suspicious pieces of information :). That's good. Some of our consultants let way too many things pass, if you ask me. Keep up the good work, and I'm sure you will be catching dangerous terrorists in no time!

It turns out that a routine sweep of the Cambridge campus area has uncovered something that may be related to your assignment: A crate of subversive pamphlets apparently written by some of the students! Andrea Schueler thinks it's important enough to merit a higher grade of surveillance.

Due to the increased importance of the investigation, you will be reporting to Shào Jingfei from now on. Miss Shào is an experienced consultant and will be responsible for monitoring your work. I hope you continue to be as diligent as you have been so far :).

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Hi FIRSTNAME.

It appears that we will be working together for this assignment. It's always good to get to know people from the team. I think we met briefly at the potluck, but you never really know your colleagues until you've worked with them.

I've looked through the available information for this assignment and cleared you for some of it. Check it out and flag anything you find suspicious. Try not to flag more than three or four items, though. I spoke to Vita last Friday, and Information Acquisition are really busy these days. Let's not be too hard on them :).

Shào

“A person who knows us is like a mirror and he or she reflects the most beautiful part of our nature.”

- Zhang Ailing

Hi FIRSTNAME.

It appears that we will be working together for this assignment. It's always good to get to know people from the team. I think we met briefly at the potluck. You're the bear GENDERREF, right? That was awesome! I'm sure we will have a great time working together!

Shào

“A person who knows us is like a mirror and he or she reflects the most beautiful part of our nature.”

- Zhang Ailing

Dear Associate

This is an automated message.

Only consultants of grade E or higher have the ability to contact Mx. DuMaurier. Please address all questions to your immediate superior.

Dear Associate

This is an automated message.

AlethiCorp appreciates your passion for synergy.

However, only consultants of grade E or higher have the ability to contact Mx. DuMaurier.

To achieve synergy, please collaborate with your colleagues and immediate superiors.

Oh, really?

Congratulations, you know pointless trivia about junk literature. Now go back to wasting your life, and stop wasting mine as well.

"Let us not overlook vital things because of the bulk of trifles confronting us." - Emma Goldman

Dear Whoeverthehellyouare

If you have something you need reviewed, please submit it through the proper channels.

"Let us not overlook vital things because of the bulk of trifles confronting us." - Emma Goldman

Hello, FIRSTNAME!

It's great to hear from you! Communicating with your colleagues is a very important step towards becoming a productive part of the AlethiCorp family :).

That said, I'm incredibly busy organizing events right now, so I'm afraid I don't have much time for mails. I hope to see you at the onboarding event tonight!

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Hello, FIRSTNAME!

It's great to hear from you! Communicating with your colleagues is a very important step towards becoming a productive part of the AlethiCorp family :).

Adam Underwood is our Haka facilitator, so you should probably contact him if you have any questions about Haka. I haven't seen him since the last introspective, come to think of it. I hope he is well.

See you at the onboarding event!

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Hello, there...

I'm impressed by your initiative, but mail is not nearly secure enough for our purposes.

I'll be in touch shortly, with more information.

Omega

Thanks for your input, but I'm rather busy fixing critical security holes at the moment.

I'm sure if I spent all day reading mails from associate consultants, I would eventually discover some incredible insights. Alas, It is not to be.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Thanks for your input, but I'm rather busy fixing critical security holes at the moment.

I'm flooded with reports from people convinced that various website idiosyncrasies are the works of nefarious IAM operatives, and can't possibly check them all. I'm sure if I spent all day reading mails from associate consultants, I would eventually discover some incredible insights. Alas, It is not to be.

Don't bother sending me anything, unless it's literally a mail you received from a hacker, or something.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Hi, FIRSTNAME

That's great, but I'm afraid I really don't have time to answer mails from everyone in the team. You'll have ample opportunity to describe your work at the daily Haka meetings.

Please don't take this the wrong way. We'll love to hear your input, but it has to happen within the Haka framework :).

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Hi, FIRSTNAME

Adam Underwood is our Haka facilitator, so you should talk to him if you have any Haka related questions. I think he is ill at the moment, though. We haven't seen him since the last jump introspective, anyway.

It doesn't matter. We've all done the Haka course and can figure things out on our own until Adam is well again :).

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Hi, FIRSTNAME

It's good to hear from you! I'm glad you liked my train. Trains make for great metaphors because they always keep going, no matter what happens.

If you can emulate the tenacity of the train, you will have a great career ahead of you :).

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

FIRSTNAME LASTNAME.

If you need to know, we will contact you.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

Congratulations, you're now exposed as an IAM operative. This will look great at my performance review. Thanks for helping out with my career. It's appreciated.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Congratulations, you're now exposed as an IAM operative. This will look great at my performance review. Thanks for helping out with my career. It's appreciated.

Oh, and please don't do something stupid, like claim that you informed us of the presence of IAM operatives. No reason to add perjury to your crimes.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

What the hell were you thinking, deleting all the data like that? On your first day I might let stuff like that slide, but you should know better by now.

You're either incompetent or a saboteur. Either way, we will no longer be working together.

Come to think of it, you're pretty incompetent as a saboteur as well. At least try to pretend you're loyal if you want to infiltrate someone.

I leave you with this train. May its beauty bring you comfort wherever you're going.

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Dear Employee

Information Acquisition operatives will be at your residence shortly. Please comply with their directives.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

Hi, FIRSTNAME!

That sounds great, but I'm really busy organising the team club night, right now. We can talk tonight at the club, if you're coming. If the music isn't too loud that is :).

See you later!

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

I am sure I have no idea what you're talking about. You shouldn't joke about such things. People have accused me of lacking humour, but what can I say: I am who I am.

Anyway, you should come to the team club night. I think you should sign up for a bottle of Jack Daniels. That's bound to make you popular. To avoid misspellings, make sure to check the autocomplete suggestions.

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Dear TITLE LASTNAME

We've investigated your reports and found some new information. You know the drill.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

Dear TITLE LASTNAME

Information Acquisition have investigated the reports you tagged, but no new information of interest was discovered.

However, routine surveillance of Mr. Brightfield did turn up a few snippets. We hope these will be useful. If you want to advance in AlethiCorp, you need to make a greater effort to identify the useful pieces of information.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

If you keep flagging so many reports, we will just discard everything with your name on it.

No one will ever know because we're the ones telling people things.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

I had my doubts about you, but you've done well so far.

Now, let's see what you can do with a proper assignment.

Omega

Too bad.

You're either incompetent, or you're not interested in working with us. It makes no difference to me. Enjoy your career.

Omega

Hi, there!

Omega has given up on you, but thon is being way too harsh :). I know it can be hard to betray your superiors.

You still have a chance to prove yourself. Delete all the data you have access to, and prove that you value the right to privacy. I know I can count on you!

Alpha

Hello there, FIRSTNAME

I am Salvinu Manduca, and I guess you will be reporting to me from now on? Apparently, me being here in the UK is much more synergistic than me staying in France. Far be it from me to question the wisdom of our superiors. Just call me Sal!

Bene told me what you brought to the potluck. That sounds delicious! You simply must give me the recipe some day. In return, I can tell you some of the stuff I've learned from my years in France.

In France they have this thing called Soupe à L’oignon, which I'm sure you'll find amazing! It's basically soupified bread with a thick golden crust that is. to. die. for.

You layer buttered baguette toasts with grated cheese, sautéed onions and tomato purée, and then gently pour in salted water. By the time the soupy substance has been simmered and baked, it has turned into a kind of sweet bread pudding with a thick crust. I'll tell you more some other time.

Anyway, I understand you're currently looking into a subversive author? Ah, those cases are classic. My first case involved an author who turned out to be distributing propaganda for a terrorist organisation. They operated out of a bakery, which made these perfect chocolate éclairs with proper chocolate cream, not vanilla custard like you see way too often in England.

Never forget that the pen is mightier than the sword! There is room for much evil behind the unassuming eyes of the author.

I haven't had time to get up to date with the case yet, but I'm sure Miss Shào has some more detailed information for you. I'll take the reins properly tomorrow!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Hello there, FIRSTNAME

I am Salvinu Manduca, and I guess you will be reporting to me from now on? Apparently, the UK is a much more synergistic place for me than France. Far be it from me to question the wisdom of our superiors. You can call me Sal!

Bene told me that you didn't show up for the potluck. That's too bad, but don't worry. You will have plenty of opportunities to socialize with your colleagues in the future.

I just hope you weren't intimidated by the thought of having to cook something. If you don't know much about cooking, I can teach you some of the stuff I've learned during my stay in France. In France they have this thing called Soupe à L’oignon, which I'm sure you'll find amazing! It's basically soupified bread with a thick golden crust that is. to. die. for.

Anyway, I understand you're currently looking into a subversive author? What a classic! My first case involved an author who turned out to be distributing propaganda for a terrorist organisation. They operated out of a bakery, which made these wonderful chocolate éclairs with proper chocolate cream, not vanilla custard like you see way too often in England.

Never forget that the pen is mightier than the sword! There is room for much evil behind the unassuming eyes of the author.

I haven't had time to get up to date with the case yet, but I'm sure Miss Shào has some more detailed information for you. I'll take the reins properly tomorrow!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Hello there, FIRSTNAME

Bene told me that you didn't have time to make anything for the potluck. That's too bad, but don't worry. You will have plenty of opportunities to impress your colleagues in the future.

If you don't know much about cooking, I can teach you some of the stuff I've learned during my stay in France. In France they have this thing called Soupe à L’oignon, which I'm sure you'll find amazing! It's basically soupified bread with a thick golden crust that is. to. die. for.

Anyway, I understand you're currently looking into a subversive author? That's a classic! My first case involved an author who turned out to be distributing propaganda for a terrorist organisation. They operated out of a bakery, which made these perfect chocolate éclairs with proper chocolate cream, not vanilla custard like you see way too often in England.

Never forget that the pen is mightier than the sword! There is room for much evil behind the unassuming eyes of the author.

I haven't had time to get up to date with the case yet, but I'm sure Miss Shào has some more detailed information for you. I'll take the reins properly tomorrow!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Hello there, FIRSTNAME

I am Salvinu Manduca, but just call me Sal! I guess you will be reporting to me from now on? Apparently, me being here in the UK is much more synergistic than me staying in France. Far be it from me to question the wisdom of our superiors.

Bene told me you brought a bear to the potluck! At first, I thought he had to be talking about some exotic dish, but apparently it was a real live one! I wish I could have been there.

You know you're supposed to bring food to a potluck, right? If you don't know how to cook, I can hook you up with some recipes I've learned during my time in France.

Here is one your bear might enjoy: Boeuf Bourguignon. It's basically a red wine beef stew, and it has the great advantage of being even better on the second day! You just let it cool on your countertop, and refrigerate overnight. Heat and serve when needed. Normally, I would recommend serving it with potatoes, but bears don't eat potatoes, do they?

Never forget that the pen is mightier than the sword! There is room for much evil behind the unassuming eyes of the author. Don't let your bear maul him, though! That just wouldn't be fair.

I haven't had time to get up to date with the case yet, but I'm sure Miss Shào has some more detailed information for you. I'll take the reins properly tomorrow!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Hello there, FIRSTNAME

Bene told me that you brought a spatula to the potluck, and nothing else! That's hilarious. I mean, you're expected to cook something at a potluck, but I like your style. No one has time for all those dishes anyway, right? Next time, you should probably bring something, though.

If you like spatulas, I can teach you how to make a proper crêpe. I've spent the last several years in France, as I'm sure you have heard. A crêpe is basically a very thin wheat pancake that's ubiquitous in France. In many regions of France you can't throw a rock without eating a crêpe.

Start by putting a trace of butter on the surface of a hot pan, and then pour thin liquid wheat flour batter onto the pan. This is where your spatula comes in: Use the spatula to distribute the batter evenly across the pan. If you have a sweet tooth, serve it with whipped cream and strawberry sauce, and curl the crêpe to form a tube.

Most people associate crêpes with dessert, but you can also make savoury crêpes for lunch or dinner. For savoury crêpes, you should use buckwheat instead of wheat flour. You can then add various fillings, such as meat products, cheese, ham or eggs.

As you can hear, you can do pretty much anything with a crêpe.

Never forget that the pen is mightier than the sword! There is room for much evil behind the unassuming eyes of the author.

I haven't had time to get up to date with the case yet, but I'm sure Miss Shào has some more detailed information for you. I'll take the reins properly tomorrow!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Hi, FIRSTNAME

I noticed you didn't make it to the onboarding event. You really need to start making these things a priority. It's okay to skip the occasional potluck, but training events are important. You even missed the corporate ethics course, which is one of the most important parts of the onboarding! What are you going to do if someone asks you to make an ethical decision?

Immanuel Kant taught us that it is important to obey authority, so that your actions will follow a consistent general rule. He even demonstrated that it would be wrong to lie to the police, if they want to know where your friend is hiding. Please try to keep that in mind. I will send you the ethics guidelines, so you can study them at your leisure.

Now that we got that out of the way, you should definitely come to the team club night tonight! We all go to a club together and have fun! It's a great way to get to know your colleagues in a more informal environment :).

Traditionally, everyone signs up to buy a round of some kind of drink for the rest of the team. I look forward to seeing what you come up with :).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Hi, FIRSTNAME

It was great to see you at the onboarding event! I noticed you brought a cheerful mood and a sunny disposition, just like I told you :). It's great to see that you're paying attention.

Everyone was impressed with your enthusiasm at the Ethics course! The Ethics course is one of the most important parts of the onboarding, and you seem to have a great knack for it :). I hope you will remember the lessons we learned:

Immanuel Kant taught us that it is important to obey authority, so that your actions will follow a consistent general rule. He even demonstrated that it would be wrong to lie to the police, if they want to know where your friend is hiding. Always keep that in mind, and you will have a great career at AlethiCorp :).

Now that we got that out of the way, I hope to see you at the team club night tonight! We all go to a club together and have fun! It's a great way to get to know your colleagues in a more informal environment :).

Traditionally, everyone signs up to buy a round of some kind of drink for the rest of the team. I look forward to seeing what you come up with :).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Oh, FIRSTNAME, you're a rascal!

I told you not to bring your bear to the onboarding event, yet there it was! I don't think anyone saw that coming. It was definitely the most exciting onboarding event I have attended. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you :). At least no one will ever forget their onboarding!

You really shouldn't bring it to the next event, though. I'm serious this time. Remember what you learned at the Ethics course, during the onboarding: Immanuel Kant taught us that it is important to obey authority, so that your actions will follow a consistent general rule. He even demonstrated that it would be wrong to lie to the police, if they want to know where your friend is hiding. Please try to keep that in mind.

Traditionally, everyone signs up to buy a round of some kind of drink for the rest of the team. I look forward to seeing what you come up with :). Remember, you can't drink a bear, so you will have to think of something else to contribute.

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Holy shit, FIRSTNAME

It was great to see you yesterday! I think this is the first time anyone has ever brought a trained bear to an onboarding event! People will be talking about this for a loooong time. You must tell me more about your hobby some day. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you :). At least no one will ever forget their onboarding!

I hope you will keep showing up for the social events, but don't feel obligated to do something big every time. The important thing is that we get to know each other!

You really shouldn't bring it to the next event, though. Remember what you learned at the Ethics course, during the onboarding: Immanuel Kant taught us that it is important to obey authority, so that your actions will follow a consistent general rule. He even demonstrated that it would be wrong to lie to the police, if they want to know where your friend is hiding. Please try to keep that in mind.

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Hi, FIRSTNAME

It was great to see you at the onboarding event! You really didn't need to bring anything, though. It's nice of you to think of your colleagues, but didn't I tell you only to bring a cheerful mood and a sunny disposition? You need to start paying attention to what I'm saying.

Try to remember what you learned at the Ethics course, during the onboarding: Immanuel Kant taught us that it is important to obey authority, so that your actions will follow a consistent general rule. He even demonstrated that it would be wrong to lie to the police, if they want to know where your friend is hiding. Always keep that in mind, and you will have a great career at AlethiCorp :).

Traditionally, everyone signs up to buy a round of some kind of drink for the rest of the team. I look forward to seeing what you come up with :).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Good morning, FIRSTNAME

I am pleased to see that you're performing well under the tutelage of Miss Sháo. Vita tells me that you've found several suspicious pieces of information, whose investigation has resulted in the retrieval of even more useful information! This is great news. Always remember that the ultimate goal of information management is to produce more information.

This is why it's always a good idea to pair fresh consultants with more experienced colleagues. It's a good thing the investigation was upgraded, so you have been blessed with this opportunity to grow. Your partnership with Miss Sháo reminds me of this train:

Just like the engine is responsible for pulling the wagon, so the experienced mentoring of Miss Sháo is pulling you forwards towards greater results.

Speaking of greater experience, I have some good news for you! Since the investigation is now involving potential corruption of the media, it's being upgraded to grade C! Both you and Miss Sháo will henceforth report to Salvinu Manduca. Mr. Manduca is joining us from France, as part of the new synergy initiative, which I'm sure you have heard of. His advanced experience will afford the both of you even more opportunities to learn and advance your careers!

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Good morning, FIRSTNAME

I spoke to Vita, and he says that you didn't manage to flag any interesting information yesterday. I am sorry to hear that your partnership with Miss Sháo has not been more successful. Please keep in mind that the ultimate goal of information management is to produce more information. Try to flag things that are likely to lead investigators towards useful discoveries.

I know Miss Sháo very well, and she is a highly competent consultant, so I can only assume that you are not paying attention to her tutelage. Please consider this train:

Pay attention to both the wagon and the engine. Do you notice any difference? That's right, the wagon is not moving on its own but needs the engine to move it forward. When you don't listen to your superiors, you are like a wagon trying to move without an engine. Please let Miss Sháo be your engine from now on.

Luckily, I have some good news for you! Since the investigation is now involving potential corruption of the media, it is being upgraded to grade C! Both you and Miss Sháo will henceforth report to Salvinu Manduca. Mr. Manduca is joining us from France, as part of the new synergy initiative, which I'm sure you have heard of. His advanced experience will afford the both of you even more opportunities to learn and advance your careers!

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Good morning, FIRSTNAME.

It would appear that the information you flagged has produced lots of new information! Excellent work. I couldn't have done it better myself. You really seem to have an instinct for identifying the important pieces of information!

I am reminded of a quote by one of my favourite authors, G.K. Chesterton: "The days of idealism and superstition are over. We live in a time of science and hard common sense, and it has now been definitely proved that in any game where two are playing IF ONE DOES NOT WIN THE OTHER WILL."

As you may have already learned, the investigation is being upgraded, so we will both be reporting to Salvinu Manduca from now on. I am sure he will be as impressed with your work as I have been.

Shào

Good morning, FIRSTNAME.

It would appear that the information you flagged has produced some more information! Good job, but I think there is room for improvement. Skimming the reports, I noticed several suspicious looking pieces of information, which you haven't flagged. I may be wrong of course, but you should work on improving your instincts.

In this game, it's us versus the subversives, and if we don't win, they will destroy everything that our glorious civilisation has built. It's easy to be tempted to let things slide, but always remember that if we don't win, they will. If you work on improving your instinct for winning, I'm sure you will have a great career ahead of you at AlethiCorp.

As you may have already learned, the investigation is being upgraded, so we will both be reporting to Salvinu Manduca from now on. I am sure he will have even more important lessons to teach you!

Shào

Good morning, FIRSTNAME.

It would appear that the information you flagged has produced some more information! Good job, but I think there is room for improvement. Skimming the reports, I noticed several suspicious looking pieces of information, which now appear to be missing. Did you really think those reports were completely useless? I may be wrong of course, but you should work on improving your instincts.

In this game, it's us versus the subversives, and if we don't win, they will destroy everything that our glorious civilisation has built. It's easy to be tempted to let things slide, but always remember that if we don't win, they will. Deleting reports, in particular, should be done with care, as it prevents other consultants from noticing things you may have missed. If you work on improving your instinct for winning, I'm sure you will have a great career ahead of you at AlethiCorp.

As you may have already learned, the investigation is being upgraded, so we will both be reporting to Salvinu Manduca from now on. I am sure he will have even more important lessons to teach you!

Shào

Good morning, FIRSTNAME.

It would appear that you haven't found any information of use to Information Acquisition. Now, it's possible that there genuinely wasn't any useful information available, but I doubt it. When I perused the reports, I noticed several suspicious looking pieces of information. You need to work on improving your instincts.

Consider this quote by one of my favourite authors, G.K. Chesterton: "The days of idealism and superstition are over. We live in a time of science and hard common sense, and it has now been definitely proved that in any game where two are playing IF ONE DOES NOT WIN THE OTHER WILL."

In this game, it's us versus the subversives, and if we don't win, they will destroy everything that our glorious civilisation has built. I really hope you haven't been tempted to let things slide. Always remember that if we don't win, they will. If you work on improving your instinct for winning, you may have a successful career ahead of you at AlethiCorp.

As you may have already learned, the investigation is being upgraded, so we will both be reporting to Salvinu Manduca from now on. I am sure he will have even more important lessons to teach you!

Shào

Good morning, FIRSTNAME.

In this game, it's us versus the subversives, and if we don't win, they will destroy everything that our glorious civilisation has built. I really hope you haven't been tempted to let things slide. Deleting reports, in particular, should be done with care, as it prevents other consultants from noticing things you may have missed. Always remember that if we don't win, they will. If you work on improving your instinct for winning, you may have a successful career ahead of you at AlethiCorp.

As you may have already learned, the investigation is being upgraded, so we will both be reporting to Salvinu Manduca from now on. I am sure he will have even more important lessons to teach you!

Shào

Dear Associate

This is an automated message.

Only consultants of grade E or higher have the ability to contact Mx. DuMaurier. Please address all questions to your immediate superior.

If you attempt to write to this mail again, your superior will be notified.

Hi FIRSTNAME

It's good to hear from you. The fact that you've taken the initiative to write this mail means that you value our partnership and want us to learn from each other.

However, I'm afraid I'm way too busy to talk right now. You're coming to the team club night, right? You can tell me more then :).

Shào

Hi FIRSTNAME

That's really cool! I didn't know you were into Chinese literature. We will have to talk about that some day :). You are coming to the team club night, right? You can tell me more then.

As for now, I'm afraid I'm way too busy to talk literature at the moment. You should focus on analysing your reports, and we will both have more time to relax later.

Shào

Don't worry about Oskar. We are taking care of him. IAM has long since learned how to handle this kind of corporate IT drone, so just put him out of your mind.

Focus on your assignment. Our agent should have provided you with details.

Omega

Don't worry about Oskar. We are taking care of him. IAM has long since learned how to handle this kind of corporate IT drone.

I guess you might be of some use to us in the future, so we'll make sure you land on your feet.

Omega

While I appreciate your enthusiasm, mail is not secure enough for IAM purposes.

Our agent should have provided you with details about your assignment. Follow the instructions, and we'll be in touch.

Omega

While I appreciate your enthusiasm, mail is not secure enough for IAM purposes.

Not that it matters since you don't appear to have interest in assisting us, but you don't want to draw attention to yourself.

Who knows, maybe you will be of use to us in the future.

Omega

Holy shit, thanks for bringing this to my attention!

Most reports I get are just people being paranoid about random website malfunctions, but you seem to have stumbled upon a genuine IAM conspiracy for once!

The important thing now is to keep cool, and not let them know that we're on to them. I could block them from the site, but that would mean losing out on a golden opportunity to advance both our careers. You need to play along and make them believe that you're on their side. Do whatever they tell you to do, unless it's something that might cause genuine damage. If they ask you to do something dangerous, just let me know, and I'll handle it.

IAM operatives always work in pairs, with an experienced "Omega" mentoring a less experienced "Alpha". You will probably have contact with both of them, but pay special attention to the "Omega". He/She is bound to be the most dangerous.

I hope you are up for this. Good luck!

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Thank you for you invaluable input, TITLE LASTNAME.

I'm sure you have discovered some incredibly important security breach that demands my immediate attention. I must drop everything, and turn my full attention to this paramount predicament.

Then again, maybe I have better things to do than listen to the paranoid ramblings of random Associates. Perhaps you should stick to doing your own job, and let me do mine?

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Hi, FIRSTNAME.

I am glad that you have decided to take the time to write me. This shows that you're dedicated and determined to do the best possible job, while simultaneously getting to know your colleagues. Keep that attitude, and you will have a great career ahead of you!

However, I'm afraid I'm way too busy to answer mails all the time. Furthermore, I'm no longer your direct superior. If you have something you want to discuss, you should notify Miss Sháo or Mr. Manduca. If they feel it's important, they will let me know!

Keep up the good work!

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Hi, FIRSTNAME.

I am also glad that you enjoy my trains! Trains make for great metaphors because they keep following the tracks, never deviating from the path to success. Remember, the tracks were put down by people vastly more experienced than you, so by following them, you are standing on the shoulders of giants! Giants who are also railroad workers.

Keep chugging along, and you will go far!

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Dear TITLE LASTNAME.

You seem to have misunderstood how Information Acquisition works. Information moves from us to you, not the other way around.

If there is something you need to know, we will contact you.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

I have to say, it's kind of refreshing to hear from someone who cares about Emma Goldman. Most people nowadays haven't even heard of her.

I'm afraid I'm incredibly busy right now, but maybe we should have a talk someday? I'll let you know when I have some more time.

"Before we can forgive one another, we have to understand one another." - Emma Goldman

Emma "Golman" Are you fucking kidding me? I suppose next you will be asking me about "Carl Max". Or maybe you would like to expound on Petyr Crapitkon?

Please learn how to spell before you waste people's time.

"The most violent element in society is ignorance." - Elmo Gultmon

Hello there. I am sure you think that you are very important, and that people care what you have to say.

You are wrong.

"Let us not overlook vital things because of the bulk of trifles confronting us." - Emma Goldman

Oh, hi there.

So, you think you know more about Nellie Bly than I? I don't think so! If you really know so much, it should be no problem for you to answer this simple question: How did Nellie Bly react when she first met Emma Goldman?

If I don't hear from you again, I will assume that you've recognized your inferiority and crawled back into whatever hole you came from.

"Nelie" Bly? Are you fucking kidding me? I suppose next you will be asking me about "Emy Goldilocks". Or maybe you would like to expound on Petyr Crapitkon?

Please learn how to spell before you waste people's time.

"The most violent element in society is ignorance." - Elmo Gultmon

It's great to hear from you, FIRSTNAME! However, I am afraid we are all way too busy wrapping up the case to stop and chat :). Why, I don't even have time to arrange any social events tonight!

You should focus on making your recommendations. Make sure you make the right ones :). Once we have this case in the bag, there will be more time for fun!

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Good to hear from you, FIRSTNAME. I'm sorry you didn't manage to follow my instructions. I guess they were a bit too complicated for someone so inexperienced. However, I am sure you will manage to make yourself useful, somehow :).

For now, you should focus on making your recommendations. Make sure you make the right ones ;).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

It's good to hear from you, FIRSTNAME! I am glad that you have managed to follow my instructions so far :). We better not discuss you-know-what here, though.

You should focus on making your recommendations. Make sure you make the right ones ;).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Oh, hi FIRSTNAME.

It's always good to hear from you. The fact that you have taken the time to write this mail proves that you value our teamwork.

However, at the moment, I think you should contact Salvinu if you need anything. He is in charge of the case now. Once these dangerous subversives have been caught, there will be plenty of time to talk :).

Shào

Thanks for your invaluable input, but I'm pretty sure I know more about Chesterton than you. Have you even read the Jeeves and Wooster stories?

I would love to get together and discuss literature some day, but for now I think we should both focus on the case. Once these dangerous subversives have been caught, there will be more time for the pleasures of the intellect :).

Shào

Hi, FIRSTNAME.

It's good to hear from you, and I would love to talk some more. I always appreciate a good debate.

Right now, however, we have to wrap up this case. Management expects to see results, so let's show those subversives they can't pull the wool over the eyes of a good consultant. Well, they can, but we will pull it right back off!

Once this thing is done, there will be more time to talk about other matters. We can discuss your points then.

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Hi, FIRSTNAME.

It's good to hear from you, and I am happy to hear that you liked my recipe! I can't wait to exchange recipes with you :). Trust me, I know recipes for things so delicious they make soupe l'oignon taste like gruel.

Once this thing is done, there will be more time to discuss food. And cook it. And eat it. And then cook it again. And eat it again. But that's it. You have to take care of your body.

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Hi, FIRSTNAME.

It's good to hear from you. However, I am no longer directly managing your case. If you have questions, you should talk to Sal or Jing. I am sure they will be happy to help you :).

I understand that you are about to make your final recommendations? I almost envy you :). Making recommendations is my favourite part of this job. It's great to know that your opinions actually matter and can help make the world a better place :).

I look forward to seeing the results of your investigation!

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Hi, FIRSTNAME.

Good to hear from you! I am glad that you share my interest in trains. Trains make for great metaphors because a train journey reminds us of life itself. Do we not all sometimes feel that we are just moving along predetermined tracks, towards an unknown destination?

You should read "The Whitsun Wedding", by Philip Larkin, in which a train journey through the English countryside becomes a metaphor for transition and renewal. That's probably one of my favourite poems ever :).

As long as you stay on the right track, you will soon reach the end of the line :).

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

You already have all the information you need.

It's time to make your final recommendations.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

The InterMail system is not nearly secure enough for IAM purposes.

Even if it was, I don't see why I should bother talking to you. You have shown no interest in helping our cause.

Perhaps we will contact you in the future.

Omega

Thanks for your mail, but the InterMail system is not nearly secure enough for IAM purposes.

Even if it was, it's too late now. You didn't complete your task in time, and now the window of opportunity has closed.

You did show some interest in helping our cause, though. Perhaps we will contact you in the future.

Omega

Thanks for your mail, but the InterMail system is not nearly secure enough for IAM purposes.

Besides, you don't need any more instructions. You managed to complete your assignment very well on your own. Now you just need to make your final recommendations...

We will contact you in the future, if we need your assistance.

Omega

Hello, FIRSTNAME.

I am sure that your mail must seem incredibly important to your inexperienced mind.

However, as a managing consultant, I operate on a completely different level of importance. The kind of stuff that is worthy of my attention would never be entrusted to one such as you. Thus, I can safely assume that your message is not at my level.

If you work hard, you may one day advance to a grade where people such as myself may actually listen to your advice.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Holy shit, thanks for bringing this to my attention!

Most reports I get are just people being paranoid about random website malfunctions, but you seem to have stumbled upon a genuine IAM conspiracy for once! It looks like this isn't the first mail you've received from them, though. Why didn't you contact me right away?

Oh, well, the important thing now is to keep cool, and not let them know that we're on to them. I could block them from the site, but that would mean losing out on a golden opportunity to advance both our careers. You need to play along and make them believe that you're on their side.

Therefore, I am authorising you to do whatever the hackers want you to do, and whatever you feel is necessary to win their trust. Don't worry about causing any damage. I will intercept your input from my side and make sure that no harm is done. They will just think that I managed to spoil their plans, in spite of your excellent work.

I hope you are up for this. Good luck!

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Thanks for keeping me up to date with this.

As I said earlier, the important thing is not to let the hackers know we are on to them. The slightest misstep could spook them, and we might never get an opportunity like this again.

Once again, Good luck!

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Holy shit, Benedetto is in on this too! Thanks for keeping me up to date.

As I said earlier, the important thing is not to let the hackers know we are on to them. The slightest misstep could spook them, and we might never get an opportunity like this again. Exposing an undercover IAM infiltrator is going to do wonders for our careers!

Therefore, I am authorising you to do whatever Benedetto and the hackers want you to do and whatever you feel is necessary to win their trust. Don't worry about causing any damage. I will intercept your input from my side and make sure that no harm is done. They will just think that I managed to spoil their plans, in spite of your excellent work.

Once again, Good luck!

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Dear Associate

This is an automated message.

Only consultants of grade E or higher have the ability to contact Mx. DuMaurier. Please address all questions to your immediate superior.

I can't actually notify anyone of your inappropriate behaviour, as I am but a simple mail robot, but please refrain from writing to this address in the future. Your mails are taking up valuable bandwidth.

Dear Mr. LASTNAME

I see that you have attempted to contact me several times before.

Normally, I don't communicate directly with associates, but I admire your persistence. As I write in my book: "Persistence is the first step towards synergy."

If you keep trying to accomplish great things, you will eventually go far. You may never quite reach the stars, but you might be able to go as far as Mars, or maybe even Saturn. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

I will ensure that a copy of my book is sent to your address.

Alex DuMaurier

Central Executive Officer

Congratulations, you're now exposed as an IAM operative. This will look great at my performance review. Thanks for helping out with my career. It's appreciated.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Congratulations, you're now exposed as an IAM operative. This will look great at my performance review. Thanks for helping out with my career. It's appreciated.

Oh, and please don't do something stupid, like claim that you informed us of the presence of IAM operatives. No reason to add perjury to your crimes.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

What the hell were you thinking, deleting all the data like that? On your first day I might let stuff like that slide, but you should know better by now.

You're either incompetent or a saboteur. Either way, we will no longer be working together.

Come to think of it, you're pretty incompetent as a saboteur as well. At least try to pretend you're loyal if you want to infiltrate someone.

I leave you with this train. May its beauty bring you comfort wherever you're going.

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Dear Employee

Information Acquisition operatives will be at your residence shortly. Please comply with their directives.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

You really didn't strike me as the traitorous type. I guess I need to upgrade my "traidar" :).

I'll have to find someone else with whom to exchange recipes. I suppose it's all for the best. You won't have access to many exotic ingredients where you are going anyway.

However, I would feel bad if I left you with nothing. Here is a simple recipe you should be able to make anywhere: Baked mashed potatoes!

You will need 1 kg of potatoes, 1 cup of milk, 110 g of cream cheese, 1 stick of unsalted butter, and 3 large eggs.

Heat the oven to 200°C. Then simmer the potatoes in a large pot with 2-3 cm of water. Cover the pot and steam the potatoes for 20 min until tender. Remove the water, and add the other ingredients along with 2 teaspoons of salt and ½ teaspoon of pepper. Mash the potatoes and fold in the eggs, then transfer the mixture to a buttered baking dish. Bake the mixture for 25-30 min, until golden.

The only ingredient you may have trouble finding is the cream cheese, but you can probably convince one of the guards to procure it. I'll put in a good word for you. Enjoy!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

You really didn't strike me as the traitorous type. I guess I need to upgrade my "traidar" :).

I'll have to find someone else with whom to exchange recipes. I suppose it's all for the best. You won't have access to many exotic ingredients where you are going anyway.

However, I would feel bad if I left you with nothing, so I have a surprise for you: I've arranged for you to keep your spatula!

Remember how I told you that crêpes can be so much more than dessert? This is your chance to take advantage of this fact! Getting hold of some butter and buckwheat flour shouldn't be a problem, and you will be cooking up delicious crêpes for everyone in no time!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Hi, FIRSTNAME.

It seems that you have a real talent for Information Management. I've looked through the case reports, and your analysis has produced lots of results. I am happy to be working with you. I am sure we can learn a lot from each other :).

Anyway, I think your success calls for a celebration. Given that this is England, we should have a cup of tea together sometime, and I know just the recipe to add spice to the occasion: Triple decker scones with fresh fruit!

You stir sugar into a flour mixture, and add a milky egg mixture to the flour, stirring gently until you have soft dough. Flatten the dough on a floured surface, and cut out the scones with a circular cutter. Arrange the scones on the prepared baking sheets, and bake for 10-15 minutes at 220°C, until golden. Cut each scone in half, put whipped cream on the bottom half, and cover with raspberries and blueberries. Cut the lower side off another bottom half, put the cut scone on top of the cream, and layer again with cream and fruit. Finish by adding the top half of the scone.

As you may have noticed, the investigation is currently "drawing to a close". What this means is that management is getting impatient, and would like to see results. I have looked through the reports, and I think we have more than enough data to start making recommendations. Therefore, I have given you access to the Recommendations section. Making recommendations is easy as pie: Simply fill out all fields correctly and click 'Create'.

Please make a recommendation for each person whom you feel is sufficiently suspicious to merit one. Your recommendations will be used to wrap up the case.

I look forward to reading your conclusions!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Hi, FIRSTNAME.

It seems that you have some talent for Information Management. I've looked through the case reports, and your analysis has produced a few results. There is certainly room for improvement, but you still seem to be learning quickly.

Anyway, I think we should have a meeting, so I can give you some pointers. Given that this is England, we should have a cup of tea together sometime, and I know just the recipe to add spice to the occasion: Shortbread, with a light, buttery taste!

You dice some butter and sift over flour, caster sugar, salt and vanilla extract. Form the mixture into a ball, roll out the shortbread on a lightly floured surface, and cut into strips. Lay the biscuits on a greased baking sheet, prick the surfaces with a fork, and refrigerate for 30 minutes. Sprinkle sugar on the shortbread and bake for 8 minutes at 180C. Let them cool, and dust with caster sugar before serving with lemon posset. I can't wait to see your face when you taste them!

Please make a recommendation for each person whom you feel is sufficiently suspicious to merit one. Your recommendations will be used to wrap up the case, so make sure you don't miss anything!

I look forward to reading your conclusions!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Hi, FIRSTNAME.

It doesn't seem like your analysis yesterday has produced any useful results. I must confess that I'm a bit disappointed. You struck me as a GENDERREF with a knack for Information Management. Don't worry about it. I will be happy to help you improve. I still believe you have the potential to become a great consultant.

Anyway, I think we should meet, so we can discuss how you can improve. Given that this is England, we should have a cup of tea together sometime, and I know just the recipe to add spice to the occasion: Biscuits!

You mix spelt flour, butter, golden linseeds, pumpkin seeds, black sesame seeds, and sunflower seeds in a large bowl. Add water, and form a dough with your hands. Use a rolling pin to roll the dough out on a lightly floured surface. Cut into rounds, transfer to the lined bake tray, and bake for 10 minutes, until crisp, and lightly golden brown. I'm sure we will have a lovely evening :).

Please make a recommendation for each person whom you feel is sufficiently suspicious to merit one. Your recommendations will be used to wrap up the case, so try to do a better job this time. I expect to see results.

I look forward to reading your conclusions!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Hi, FIRSTNAME

We all missed you at the club night! These things are not mandatory, of course, but getting to know your colleagues is very important to ensure that you have a happy career, as well as to improve synergy.

Besides, you need to unwind and have fun sometimes. As an HR guy, it's my job to make sure that you don't wear yourself out :). Remember, all work and no play makes FIRSTNAME a dull GENDERREF. You missed out on much merriment, yesterday. We all tried some marvellous new drinks, and Vita and Sandra looked adorable dancing together.

There are no more social events this week, but you'll have more opportunities for fun soon enough. Make sure you prioritize them :).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Hi, FIRSTNAME

It was great to see you at the club night! You looked adorable dancing with DANCEPARTNER :). I am glad to see that you have decided to prioritise social events. Getting to know your colleagues in an informal venue is a great way to increase synergy.

However, I was bit disappointed that you didn't sign up for any particular drink. Seeing what people come up with is half the fun of these things :). A generic round of whatever you like just isn't the same. For a good consultant, imagination is just as important as logic.

There are no more social events this week, but you'll have more opportunities for fun soon enough. Make sure you prioritize them, and see them as an opportunity to exercise your imagination :).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Hi, FIRSTNAME

Also, we all loved what you bought when it was your turn :). I've had white russians, and I've had black russians, but I've never had a FAVORITECOLOR russian before! You will simply have to give me the recipe later. I am glad you are using these events as an opportunity to exercise your imagination. For a good consultant, imagination is just as important as logic.

There are no more social events this week, but you'll have more opportunities for fun soon enough. Make sure you prioritize them, and see them as an opportunity to exercise your imagination :).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Hi, FIRSTNAME

Also, we all loved what you bought when it was your turn :). You'll have to tell me the name again later. I couldn't quite make it out over all the noise. I am glad you are using these events as an opportunity to exercise your imagination. For a good consultant, imagination is just as important as logic.

There are no more social events this week, but you'll have more opportunities for fun soon enough. Make sure you prioritize them, and see them as an opportunity to exercise your imagination :).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Holy shit, FIRSTNAME

It was great to see you at the club night! I think this is the first time anyone has ever brought a trained bear to a club! People will be talking about this for a loooong time. You must tell me more about your hobby some day. Don't worry about the mauling, I'm not mad at you :). We'll just write it up as a company expense.

I hope you will keep showing up for the social events, but don't feel obligated to do something big every time. The important thing is that we get to know each other!

There are no more social events this week, but you'll have more opportunities for fun soon enough. Make sure you prioritize them, and see them as an opportunity to exercise your imagination :).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Oh, FIRSTNAME, you're a rascal!

I told you not to bring your bear to the next event, yet there it was! I don't think anyone saw that coming. I think this is the first time anyone has ever brought a trained bear to a club! People will be talking about this for a loooong time. Don't worry about the mauling, I'm not mad at you :). We'll just write it up as a company expense.

I hope you will keep showing up for the social events, but don't feel obligated to do something big every time. The important thing is that we get to know each other!

Oh, and you really shouldn't bring the bear to the next event. I'm serious this time. It's fun the first few times, but I think it's going to become inconvenient in the long term :).

There are no more social events this week, but you'll have more opportunities for fun soon enough. Make sure you prioritize them :).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Seriously, FIRSTNAME, this is getting a bit out of hand!

I told you to stop bringing your bear to all the events, yet there it was! The first and second times were fun surprises, but now I just feel like you are ignoring my instructions. We'll write up the mauling as a company expense, but this seriously needs to stop. If you bring your bear to any more events, I'll have to take it up with Sandra and Vita.

I hope you will keep showing up for the social events, but try to tone it down a bit, OK? You don't need to do big things to impress people. We just want you to be yourself :).

There are no more social events this week, but you'll have more opportunities for fun soon enough. Make sure you prioritize them :).

Benedetto Tornincasa

Human Relations

Senior Consultant / Haka Leader

Excellent job!

I must say that you have put all my doubts to shame. I now have access to levels of the AlethiCorp database that no IAM operative has reached before.

I see that you are already being asked to make recommendations. I have managed to enable an option in the recommendation section that is only supposed to be available to the highest grades of AlethiCorp employees. You will know it when you see it. Use it wisely.

Omega

It would seem that you couldn't figure out how to complete your assignment. I guess I shouldn't have expected you to be able to perform an inside attack of such complexity.

You can still make yourself useful, though. I see that you are already being asked to make recommendations. You should make no recommendations and delete as much data as you can get away with. These people deserve to be left alone.

Omega

Hi, FIRSTNAME!

I still believe in you :). I know you realise that these people deserve to live their lives in peace.

Don't make any recommendations, and delete as much data as you can get away with. I know I can count on you :).

Alpha

Congratulations, you're now exposed as an IAM operative. This will look great at my performance review. Thanks for helping out with my career. It's appreciated.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Congratulations, you're now exposed as an IAM operative. This will look great at my performance review. Thanks for helping out with my career. It's appreciated.

Oh, and please don't do something stupid, like claim that you informed us of the presence of IAM operatives. No reason to add perjury to your crimes.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

What the hell were you thinking, deleting all the data like that? On your first day I might let stuff like that slide, but you should know better by now.

You're either incompetent or a saboteur. Either way, we will no longer be working together.

You did a great job making me think you were a loyal employee, though. I must confess that I didn't see this coming. It just goes to show that you can't prevent a train from occasionally going off the rails.

Speaking of trains, I leave you with this. May its beauty bring you comfort wherever you're going.

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Dear Employee

Information Acquisition operatives will be at your residence shortly. Please comply with their directives.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

You really didn't strike me as the traitorous type. I guess I need to upgrade my "traidar" :).

I'll have to find someone else with whom to exchange recipes. I suppose it's all for the best. You won't have access to many exotic ingredients where you are going anyway.

However, I would feel bad if I left you with nothing. Here is a simple recipe you should be able to make anywhere: Baked mashed potatoes!

You will need 1 kg of potatoes, 1 cup of milk, 110 g of cream cheese, 1 stick of unsalted butter, and 3 large eggs.

The only ingredient you may have trouble finding is the cream cheese, but you can probably convince one of the guards to procure it. I'll put in a good word for you. Enjoy!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

You really didn't strike me as the traitorous type. I guess I need to upgrade my "traidar" :).

I'll have to find someone else with whom to exchange recipes. I suppose it's all for the best. You won't have access to many exotic ingredients where you are going anyway.

However, I would feel bad if I left you with nothing, so I have a surprise for you: I've arranged for you to keep your spatula!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Congratulations, you're now exposed as an IAM operative. You made it way too obvious. Only an undercover operative could possibly choose to ignore so much evidence of subversive activity. If you wanted to infiltrate us, you should at least have given us a fall guy of some kind.

This will look great at my performance review. Thanks for helping out with my career. It's appreciated.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

This will look great at my performance review. Thanks for helping out with my career. It's appreciated.

Oh, and please don't do something stupid, like claim that you informed us of the presence of IAM operatives. No reason to add perjury to your crimes.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

How on earth could you miss all that blatant subversive activity? It's a good thing I had Jing and Salvinu keeping tabs on you, or you might have blown the entire investigation.

You're either incompetent or a saboteur. Either way, we will no longer be working together.

Speaking of trains, I leave you with this. May its beauty bring you comfort wherever you're going.

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Really, FIRSTNAME.

I thought you had a lot of potential, but there is no way you could have just missed all that evidence. I trained you too well for that. You really didn't strike me as the traitorous type, though. I guess I need to upgrade my "traidar" :).

I'll have to find someone else with whom to exchange recipes. I suppose it's all for the best. You won't have access to many exotic ingredients where you are going anyway.

However, I would feel bad if I left you with nothing. Here is a simple recipe you should be able to make anywhere: Baked mashed potatoes!

You will need 1 kg of potatoes, 1 cup of milk, 110 g of cream cheese, 1 stick of unsalted butter, and 3 large eggs.

The only ingredient you may have trouble finding is the cream cheese, but you can probably convince one of the guards to procure it. I'll put in a good word for you. Just make sure you do a better job locating ingredients than you did finding evidence :). Enjoy!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Really, FIRSTNAME.

I'll have to find someone else with whom to exchange recipes. I suppose it's all for the best. You won't have access to many exotic ingredients where you are going anyway.

However, I would feel bad if I left you with nothing, so I have a surprise for you: I've arranged for you to keep your spatula!

Just take whatever other foodstuff you can find and use it for fillings! For special occasions, you may be able to convince the guards to fetch some extra ingredients for you. I will put in a good word. Just make sure you do a better job locating ingredients than you did finding evidence :). Enjoy!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Congratulations, you're now exposed as an IAM operative. How could you possibly think that you could get away with implicating your colleagues? Did you really think we would trust you more than them?

This will look great at my performance review. Thanks for helping out with my career. It's appreciated.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Congratulations, you're now exposed as an IAM operative. How could you possibly think that you could get away with implicating your colleagues? Did you really think we would trust you more than them?

This will look great at my performance review. Thanks for helping out with my career. It's appreciated.

Oh, and please don't do something stupid, like claim that you informed us of the presence of IAM operatives. No reason to add perjury to your crimes.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

What possessed you to try and implicate your colleagues? It's a good thing I had Jing and Salvinu keeping tabs on you, or you might have blown the entire investigation.

Speaking of trains, I leave you with this wagon. Notice how it has no engine to pull it? That's you. No one likes a rat.

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Don't you know that I'm the one who reviews all of these recommendations? I guess that's a pretty stupid question. You obviously didn't. Well, you do now.

"Someone has said that it requires less mental effort to condemn than to think. " - Emma Goldman

I thought you had a lot of potential, but then you had to go and pull a stunt like this. You really didn't strike me as a rat. I guess I need to upgrade my "ratdar".

I'll have to find someone else with whom to exchange recipes. I suppose it's all for the best. You won't have access to many exotic ingredients where you are going anyway.

However, I would feel bad if I left you with nothing. Here is a simple recipe you should be able to make anywhere: Baked mashed potatoes!

You will need 1 kg of potatoes, 1 cup of milk, 110 g of cream cheese, 1 stick of unsalted butter, and 3 large eggs.

The only ingredient you may have trouble finding is the cream cheese, but you can probably convince one of the guards to procure it. I'll put in a good word for you. If you can resist the temptation to rat on the other inmates, you might even be able to make some new friends. Good luck with that.

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

I thought you had a lot of potential, but then you had to go and pull a stunt like this. You really didn't strike me as a rat. I guess I need to upgrade my "ratdar".

I'll have to find someone else with whom to exchange recipes. I suppose it's all for the best. You won't have access to many exotic ingredients where you are going anyway.

However, I would feel bad if I left you with nothing, so I have a surprise for you: I've arranged for you to keep your spatula!

Just take whatever other foodstuff you can find and use it for fillings! For special occasions, you may be able to convince the guards to fetch some extra ingredients for you. If you can resist the temptation to rat on the other inmates, you might even be able to make some new friends. Good luck with that.

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Dear Employee

Information Acquisition operatives will be at your residence shortly. If you resist, they are authorized to use deadly force.

Please comply with their directives.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

Congratulations, you're now exposed as an IAM operative. You made that way too easy. Did you really think we would allow IAM hackers free rein to mess with our website like that? And that no one would notice they were using our internal mail system?

This will look great at my performance review. Thanks for helping out with my career. It's appreciated.

"Omega"

This will look great at my performance review. Thanks for helping out with my career. It's appreciated.

Oh, and please don't do something stupid, like claim that you informed us of the presence of IAM operatives. No reason to add perjury to your crimes.

"Omega"

Sorry, but you really should have seen that coming :). It's not like we were being subtle or anything!

I am sorry it had to end this way, but I hope you understand that it isn't personal. I was looking forward to getting to know you better and seeing what you would come up with at the company events :). A job is a job, though, and you brought this upon yourself.

I am sure you will be just fine at your new location. I can give you some pointers on fun events you can organise with your fellow subversives. You will make tons of new friends in no time :):):).

"Alpha"

You really didn't strike me as a terrorist, but I guess it's always the quiet GENDERREFs you need to watch out for. Anyway, Bene says you're dumb and naive, so I guess it's no great loss.

Speaking of trains, I leave you with this. May its beauty bring you comfort wherever you're going.

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Holy shit, FIRSTNAME!

You really didn't strike me as the terrorist type. I guess I need to upgrade my "terdar" :).

I'll have to find someone else with whom to exchange recipes. I suppose it's all for the best. You won't have access to many exotic ingredients where you are going anyway. We can't have you cooking up bombs, you understand.

However, I would feel bad if I left you with nothing. Here is a simple recipe you should be able to make anywhere: Baked mashed potatoes!

You will need 1 kg of potatoes, 1 cup of milk, 110 g of cream cheese, 1 stick of unsalted butter, and 3 large eggs.

Heat the oven to 200°C. Then simmer the potatoes in a large pot with 2-3 cm of water. Cover the pot and steam the potatoes for 20 min until tender. Remove the water and add the other ingredients along with 2 teaspoons of salt and ½ teaspoon of pepper. Mash the potatoes and fold in the eggs, then transfer the mixture to a buttered baking dish. Bake the mixture for 25-30 min, until golden.

The only ingredient you may have trouble finding is the cream cheese, but you can probably convince one of the guards to procure it. I'll put in a good word for you. Just don't hide a bomb in the cheese, or anything :). Enjoy!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Holy shit, FIRSTNAME!

You really didn't strike me as the terrorist type. I guess I need to upgrade my "terdar" :).

However, I would feel bad if I left you with nothing, so I have a surprise for you: I've arranged for you to keep your spatula!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Hi, FIRSTNAME

Working with you has been a pleasure. Following up on your flagged reports and recommendations was a fun challenge for our agents.

We should be working together again soon. I'll be in touch.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

Congratulations on your success. You've handled yourself nicely.

You really should have informed me that you were being contacted by IAM operatives, though. That's kinda important, you know, and I don't have time to sift through everyone's mails every single day.

Oh well, everything turned out all right, and we'll catch the hackers some other day. I'll let it slide this time. Just let me know if they contact you again.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Congratulations on your success. You've handled yourself nicely.

Oh, and thanks for keeping me up to date with the IAM operatives, who tried to subvert you. That's important stuff, and I don't have time to sift through everyone's mails every single day.

We are keeping tabs on the hackers and will be dealing with them any day now. You don't need to worry about that.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Good job, FIRSTNAME. I had my doubts about you, but you have proven yourself to be a capable consultant. Keep up the good work, and I am sure you will have a successful career here at AlethiCorp.

Sorry for not mentioning you in my press statement, but that's how these things go. The people on top always get the credit. Don't worry, we all recognize the value of your contribution. If it hadn't been for your recommendations, I doubt we could have made the case against these people stick.

In recognition of your success, I give you this train. Like the train, you have stayed on the tracks to success, carrying the cargo of chutzpah. If you can avoid going off the rails in the future, you will have a great career ahead of you.

Speaking of your career, I have given you access to the myCareer section. When you have finished reading your mail, you can start planning your future career :). Have fun!

Sandra Silvern

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Congratulations, FIRSTNAME!

You did very well, considering this was your first assignment. We've caught ourselves some juicy subversives and have proven the necessity of the work we are doing :).

We'll have to find time to meet up and exchange recipes some day soon. For now, here is a great cake recipe I was thinking we could use to celebrate our mutual success: Chocolate mousse cake!

You preheat the oven to 220°C, and line a cake pan with baking paper. Melt chocolate, golden syrup and butter in a bowl in a saucepan over simmering water, and set it aside to cool.

Now put eggs and sugar in a bowl, and beat for 10 minutes until thick and pale. Fold in the flour, and the chocolate mixture until combined. Pour the mixture into the cake pan and bake for 12 minutes. After removing it from the oven, run a knife around the edge of the cake. Remove the collar from the pan and put the cake in the fridge for 1 hour.

While the cake is cooling, dissolve 2 tablespoons of instant coffee in 1 tablespoon of boiling water, and let it cool. Beat mascarpone, coffee and sugar together in a bowl until stiff. Brush leaves with melted chocolate, and peel off the leaf when cool.

Now, you just need to slice the cake and serve it with coffee mascarpone, a chocolate leaf, and a scoop of sorbet ice cream. I'll show you everything when we meet :).

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Congratulations, FIRSTNAME!

You did very well, considering this was your first assignment. We've caught ourselves some juicy subversives and have proven the necessity of the work we are doing :).

We'll have to find time to meet up and exchange recipes some day soon. Now, considering your fondness for spatulas, I think I have just the recipe for you!

Remember how I told you that crêpes can be so much more than dessert? This is your chance to take advantage of this fact! Procure some butter and buckwheat flour, and you will cooking up delicious crêpes for everyone in the company in no time! I am sure this will make you lots of friends among your colleagues :).

Just take whatever other foodstuff you can find in the kitchen, and use it for fillings! For special occasions, you may be able to convince the staff to fetch some extra ingredients for you. I will put in a good word. Enjoy!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Hi, FIRSTNAME

Working with you has been a pleasure. Catching such a dangerous terrorist has been a great boost to the confidence of everyone on the Information Acquisition team.

We should be working together again soon. I'll be in touch.

Vitaly Vedenin

Information Acquisition

Congratulations on your success. You've handled yourself very well. Who would have thought that Cédric Kinsinger would turn out to be a terrorist?

You really should have informed me that you were being contacted by IAM operatives, though. That's kinda important, you know, and I don't have time to sift through everyone's mails every single day.

Oh well, everything turned out all right, and we'll catch the hackers some other day. I'll let it slide this time. Just let me know if they contact you again.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Congratulations on your success. You've handled yourself very well. Who would have thought that Cédric Kinsinger would turn out to be a terrorist?

Oh, and thanks for keeping me up to date with the IAM operatives, who tried to subvert you. That's important stuff, and I don't have time to sift through everyone's mails every single day.

We are keeping tabs on the hackers and will be dealing with them any day now. You don't need to worry about that.

Oskar Jönsson

Managing Consultant

Head of IT security

Due to the excellent work the team has done lately, I have been promoted to grade E!

Unfortunately, this means I will no longer be managing the personal information team. I encourage you to make your new manager feel welcome, and to continue the excellent work you have all been doing so far.

In recognition of your hard work, I give you this train. Like the train, you have all stayed on the tracks to success, carrying the cargo of chutzpah. If you can avoid going off the rails in the future, I am sure you will all have great careers ahead of you.

Sandra Silvern

Principal Consultant

As you may have heard, Sandra Silvern is being promoted to grade E. I will be taking over as manager of the personal information team.

I look forward to working with you. You have done excellent work lately. You caught us some really juicy subversives this time, and I'm sure your work in the future will be even more fantastic! I actually worked with Kinsinger in the past, you know. All that time I was working with a dangerous terrorist, without suspecting a thing!

I'm sorry you weren't mentioned in the press statement, but that's how these things go. The people on top always get the credit. Don't worry, we all recognize the immense value of your contribution. Without your analysis and recommendations, we might never have caught Mr. Kinsinger. Imagine how much a damage a person like that could have done if he hadn't been caught in time.

In recognition of your success, you will be promoted to grade B. I have given you access to the myCareer section of the website. When you have finished reading your mail, you can start planning your future career. I am sure you will do an amazing job!

Velika Dožić

Managing Consultant / Haka Manager

Congratulations, FIRSTNAME!

You have done an exceptional job, especially considering this was your first assignment. We've caught ourselves some dangerous subversives and have proven the necessity of the work we are doing :).

We'll have to find time to meet up and exchange recipes some day soon. For now, here is a great cake recipe I was thinking we could use to celebrate our mutual success: Chocolate mousse cake!

You preheat the oven to 220°C and line a cake pan with baking paper. Melt chocolate, golden syrup and butter in a bowl in a saucepan over simmering water, and set it aside to cool.

Now put eggs and sugar in a bowl, and beat for 10 minutes until thick and pale. Fold in the flour and the chocolate mixture until combined. Pour the mixture into the cake pan and bake for 12 minutes. After removing it from the oven, run a knife around the edge of the cake. Remove the collar from the pan and put the cake in the fridge for 1 hour.

While the cake is cooling, dissolve 2 tablespoons of instant coffee in 1 tablespoon of boiling water and let it cool. Beat mascarpone, coffee and sugar together in a bowl until stiff. Brush leaves with melted chocolate, and peel off the leaf when cool.

Now, you just need to slice the cake and serve it with coffee mascarpone, a chocolate leaf, and a scoop of sorbet ice cream. I'll show you everything when we meet :).

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

Congratulations, FIRSTNAME!

You have done an exceptional job, especially considering this was your first assignment. We've caught ourselves some dangerous subversives and have proven the necessity of the work we are doing :).

We'll have to find time to meet up and exchange recipes some day soon. Now, considering your fondness for spatulas, I think I have just the recipe for you!

Just take whatever other foodstuff you can find in the kitchen and use it for fillings! For special occasions, you may be able to convince the staff to fetch some extra ingredients for you. I will put in a good word. Enjoy!

Salvinu Manduca

Senior Consultant

"Do you need an introduction to Emma Goldman? You have seen supposed pictures of her. You have read of her as a property-destroying, capitalist-killing, riot-promoting agitator. You see her in your mind a great raw-boned creature, with short hair and bloomers, a red flag in one hand, a burning torch in the other; both feet constantly off of the ground and 'murder!' continually upon her lips."

"The [sic] was my ideal of her, I confess, and when the matron stood before me saying, 'This is Emma Goldman,' I gasped in surprise and then laughed."

That's right, she gasped and then laughed! It would seem that you do know a thing or two about Nellie Bly and didn't just skim her Omnipedia article. Most people these days haven't even heard about Nellie Bly, much less know anything about her. We should get together and talk some day!

There is the little problem of you getting yourself arrested, of course, but that's manageable. I've been cooped up in my office for too long anyway, and perhaps it's time that I started actually following Goldman's example, instead of recommending surveillance and drone strikes. Emma Goldman would never recommend a drone strike (well, maybe when she was young, but not in her final form).

Anyway, enough rambling. Operatives are on their way to your home as I write this. I'm parked out back in my Ford Thunderbird convertible. If you're interested, meet me here ASAP, and we'll blow this joint together.

"I had looked forward so eagerly to leaving the horrible place, yet when my release came and I knew that God's sunlight was to be free for me again, there was a certain pain in leaving." - Nellie Bly

"The [sic] was my ideal of her, I confess, and when the matron stood before me saying, "This is Emma Goldman," I gasped in surprise and then laughed."

You seem to be doing pretty well for yourself, so that shouldn't be a problem. I'll be in touch.

"I took upon myself to enact the part of a poor, unfortunate crazy girl, and felt it my duty not to shirk any of the disagreeable results that should follow." - Nellie Bly

Reports

Emma Goldman once said: ”When we can't dream any longer we die.” If she had known what would pass as subversive literature in the future, she would have slit her wrists in the bathtub. “On the Tracks”, the debut novel of Martin Brightfield, is a perfect example.

The book is set in the “near future”, where civilisation is apparently starting to break apart for no apparent reason. Riots, market crashes and other disasters are occurring with increasing frequency. The main character, who is obviously an idealized version of the author, has realized the shocking truth: Society is naturally acting out against excessive government control, and the government response is only serving to accelerate the effect. True order can only arise as an emergent property of freely interacting agents and oh my god, who writes like this?

At this point, our intrepid hero launches into a 14-page speech on complexity science and the butterfly effect, while the rest of the characters listen in awe. The whole thing reads as if a high school student who had just finished the latest Jurassic Park sequel wrote it. At least a dinosaur eventually ate Ian Malcolm. No such luck here.

After his big speech, the main character describes his plan to start a new society. At this point, it becomes apparent that the author is completely in love with the inane train metaphor from which the book derives its title. Look at this:

“’Is it really necessary to leave, John?’ said Lily. ‘Can’t we stay and fix society from the inside? It can’t be too late. It can’t!’"

"‘It’s no good, Lily,’ I sighed lugubriously. ‘We have reached the tipping point. Society is on the track to disaster, and if we don’t get off the train we will go right over the cliff with the rest of them.’ I looked towards the horizon, where the sun was setting. ‘We have to build something new. Out there.’”

What the hell.

Anyway, it turns out that there is conveniently a big field or something right outside “civilisation”, ideal for starting new societies. It is never explained why this area has not been claimed by any of the all-controlling governments. The heroes start a society that is truly free because everyone does what the main character says. I just can’t wait to live in this perfect utopia.

I wish I could recommend stronger action against this shit – I mean, the dialogue alone merits a drone strike — but I’m afraid the actual subversive element is pretty weak. Even the Big Governments come off as mostly well-meaning buffoons. The main characters are content to just leave, and go do their own thing.

Still, I guess some people might use this as inspiration for more direct action.

Better safe than sorry.

Recommendation: Grade A surveillance

From: Martin Brightfield

To: Patricia Carbon

Subject: Behold, the novelist!

Morning, Pat. I just picked up the first run of my novel from the printers today. It’s great to finally see it in print. So, how does it feel to date a novelist :). I know, it’s self published, but it still feels great to see the results of all that hard work, and hold it in my hand. I’ll stop by some bookstores on my route, and see if I can persuade them to carry it. How are you doing at Philma? Wanna grab a bite when you are done with your study group?

From: Patricia Carbon

To: Martin Brightfield

Subject: Re: Behold, the novelist!

That’s awesome! I can’t wait to see it. I still think you should have tightened up the plot a bit, but perfect is the enemy of good. I’d love to go out tonight, but I’ve got a LOT of studying to do, and I promised the others I’d stay until we’re done. How about tomorrow?

From: Martin Brightfield

To: Patricia Carbon

Subject: Re: Re: Behold, the novelist!

Tomorrow is fine, too :). I’ll pick you up on my bike after I’m done with my route. What do you feel like? Fish 'n' chips? Or something fancier? We’ll work that out tomorrow! How are things with your study group, anyway? Do you still feel like they’re holding you back?

From: Patricia Carbon

To: Martin Brightfield

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Behold, the novelist!

Fish 'n' chips is cool. I’ll probably be too tired to enjoy anything fancy anyway. We’ll go for something more fancy in the weekend, when I’ve caught up with the exams.

About the group… I hate to sound like a jerk, but I do feel like I’m the one who is doing all the work. It’s not like they’re stupid, you know, it just feels like they only want to do the bare minimum to pass. We’re doing Frege atm and all they want to do is memorise axioms. It’s like they don’t care about set theory at all!

I’ve been looking around campus, and I think I might have found a better group. I’ve only spoken to them briefly, but they are a lot more dedicated and passionate than the others. I’ll tell you more about it tomorrow :).

Martin: Hi, Honey!

Patricia: Hi, Martin. You busy?

Martin: No, I’m just *unintelligible* my route. What’s up?

Patricia: Well, do you remember that new study group I told you about?

Martin: Yeah?

Patricia: So I talked to them, and they insist that I ought to meet them tonight, at the Philma common room. Is it okay if I cancel our date? I’m really sorry. I’ll make it up to you some other day.

Martin: Oh… Yeah, that’s okay. We’ll figure something out another day.

Patricia: Of course. Gotta run. Love you!

Martin: Love you too!

From: Martin Brightfield

To: John Compass

Subject: The Book

Evening, Uncle. I was just wondering if you’ve had time to take a look at the book, yet? I’m really excited to hear your opinion. I know it probably isn’t your type of literature, but your feedback has always been valuable. I know there is plenty of room for improvement in my writing, but I’m hoping you will still find something to like :).

From: John Compass

To: Martin Brightfield

Subject: Re: The Book

Dear, Martin. I’ve read your book, though I confess that I found it of more interest as a window into your mind than as a work of literature. While you do have some valid points, they are, quite frankly, presented in such a ham-fisted way, that it’s hard to take them seriously. I was particularly annoyed by the constant speeches made by the main character. As cliché as it is, try showing the reader your points rather than explaining them. Let the events speak for themselves! I know you can do better than this.

That said, the prose is not entirely awful (though, in all honesty, the same cannot be said of the dialogue). Polish your writing, tighten the plotting, and try to listen to how real people actually talk. Then you might have a shot at becoming a good writer.

I hope you take this criticism in the spirit it was intended. You know how much I care about you. I just think you are still quite far from your goal.

From: Martin Brightfield

To: John Compass

Subject: Re: Re: The Book

Thank you so much for the feedback! Of course I will take it in the spirit you intended. I know you’re highly critical of literature, it comes with your job of course, so coming from you “not entirely awful” is practically high praise :). I’ll work on my dialogue some more, and maybe publish a new edition someday.

See you later!

Martin

Samuel: Hey, Martin.

Martin: Hey, Sam. You busy?

Samuel: Oh, just putting bricks on top of other bricks, like I usually do this time of day. What’s up?

Martin: I was just wondering if you are free this afternoon? I was thinking we could have a pint down at The Goose, and I can tell you about my book!

Samuel: Is that out already? I’ll love to read it! Just don’t expect me to go easy on you.

Martin: Course, not! I need merciless feedback to improve. Hannah won’t mind?

Samuel: Oh, no, she’s in Germany again doing the *unintelligible* between Stuttgart and Hamburg. This week, I’ve plenty of time for talking.

Martin: Awesome! See you later.

Samuel: See you!

From: Martin Brightfield

To: Adroushan Gasparyan

Subject: About my book

Dear Mr. Gasparyan

I was wondering if you have had time to take a look at my book yet? It has been almost a month since I sent you the manuscript. While I realize that Melik-Baumgartner is a very selective publishing house, it would be great if you could at least give me a few words of feedback.

I thank you in advance for your time.

Martin Brightfield

From: Adroushan Gasparyan

To: Martin Brightfield

Subject: Re: About my book

Dear Mr. Brightfield

I have taken a look at your book, and while it shows promise, I'm afraid it's not what we are looking for at this moment. I encourage you to keep writing, and I'm sure you will be successful one day.

P.S: Please stop sending us letters every week.

Adroushan Gasparyan

Senior Editor

Melik-Baumgartner

From: Martin Brightfield

To: Adroushan Gasparyan

Subject: Clarification

Dear Mr. Gasparyan

I appreciate your reply, but your response seems quite generic. I feel like my book would fit perfectly into Melik-Baumgartner's current lineup, as it contains both excitement, and social criticism.

If you could only point to some specific parts of the book that you feel need improvement, I will be happy to take your feedback into account.

P.P.S: From now on I will send you TWO letters every week!

From: Adroushan Gasparyan

To: Martin Brightfield

Subject: Re: Clarification

Mr. Brightfield

I must confess that I find your persistence admirable. Here is the deal: If you promise to stop sending us letters, I will actually take a look at your book, and give you some specific feedback. I hope you find this proposition acceptable.

Adroushan Gasparyan

Senior Editor

Melik-Baumgartner

From: Martin Brightfield

To: Adroushan Gasparyan

Subject: Awesome!

That's perfect. All I want is for you to actually look at the book, and give it a shot :)

Thank you so much for your time!

Martin Brightfield

Agent observed subject leaving house at 06:00. Subject left the premises in a red van bearing the insignia of the postal office. Agent followed at a discreet distance.

Subject followed expected delivery route. A sample of delivered materials was later retrieved. Analysis reveals no suspicious contents.

Subject returned to premises at 13:55, went inside, and stayed for 55 minutes. Agent was unable to obtain a visual during this period.

Subject returned from house at 14:50, now wearing dark blue jeans with a t-shirt, and left on a bicycle. Agent followed at a discreet distance.

Subject arrived at destination at 15:20. Destination identified as the domicile of local brickmason Samuel Compass. Subject entered. Agent was able to obtain brief visual showing subjects drinking beer at a white IKEA table*. Installation of audiovisual equipment needed to ascertain topics of conversation.

Subject left the premises at 16:05, using aforementioned bicycle. Agent followed at a discreet distance. At 16:25 subject arrived at the Cambridge campus, and entered the area belonging to the department of philosophy and mathematics. Subject met with female, positively identified as Patricia Carbon, student. Agent was able to ascertain snippets of conversation, using listening equipment.

Patricia: … drinking with Sam again?

Martin: … just one … been doing?

Patricia: … okay, as long you’re not drunk or … tickets?

Martin: … supposed to be really good.

Subjects left in a blue Nissan Versu. Agent followed at a discreet distance.

Subjects arrived at theatre at 16:55. Maintaining proximity necessitated purchase of ticket**. Quality of movie was high-average. Subjects partially obscured by large woman with bowl of popcorn. No suspicious activity was visible to agent.

Subjects left theatre at 18:55. Arrived at yellow apartment building at 19:15 and entered. Sign on door indicates Patricia Carbon lives on third floor. Agent kept building under surveillance from café across the street***. Subjects had not emerged at 22:00, when surveillance ended.

* I think it’s the one named “Oswald”. My aunt has the same model.

** See expense report #AD-5623.

*** See expense report #AD-5624.

Hannah: Hannah, here.

Samuel: Hi, Honey. It’s me.

Hannah: Sam! What’s up?

Samuel: I just needed to hear your voice. How are you doing?

Hannah: Delivering a truckload of fruit to Hamburg. *laughs*. Hamburg must really love bananas. The weather is beautiful down here. I wish you could see it.

Samuel: Someday I’ll come with you… When are you back?

Hannah: I’ll be in London next Friday. Then we can go out together.

Samuel: I’ll find a good restaurant. I can’t wait till you’re back.

Hannah: Me too. I really have to go. I’m driving a truck, you know!

Samuel: Right. Of, course. See you. *Kissing sound, I think*.

Hannah: See you soon.

Agent arrived at the department common room one hour ahead of the scheduled student meeting. Listening devices were installed without complications. Transcript of conversation filed separately.

Agent waited discreetly outside meeting room, until meeting concluded. The group dispersed, subject leaving along with female identified as Alyona Artemieva. Agent followed at a discreet distance. Subjects relocated to local student bar. Surveillance abandoned as agent unable to pass for student. Agent recommends activating department assets.

After the meeting, agents raided the meeting room, discovering a small crate of recently printed pamphlets. A sample of materials have been turned over to Literature for analysis.

Present: Alyona Artemieva, Alex Jaspers, Silva Carpenter, John Blue and Patricia Carbon.

Alyona Artemieva: *Bangs gavel*. Welcome, everyone. I know this room is a bit of a mess, but it’ll do. We’ll get our own place, once we’ve taken over the world*.

*Sporadic laughter*

Alyono Artemieva: Also, we have a new member with us today. Say hello to Patricia.

Patricia Carbon: Just Pat is fine.

Silva Carpenter: Hello, Pat.

John Blue: Hi.

Alex Jaspers: Welcome, Pat.

Alyona Artemieva: It’s great to see our little group growing. We need everyone we can get if we are to effect any significant social change. Why don’t you introduce yourself, Pat.

Patricia Carbon: Well, most of you know me already. I’m a Philma student, along with Al and Alex. I’ve already met Silva, so I think you are the only one I don’t know.

John Blue: I’m John.

Pat: Hi, John. What do you study?

John: Lit.

Pat: Cool. Nice suit.

John: Thanks.

Alyona: Well, let’s get started. As philosophers we must strive to use philosophy to liberate the masses, and not just for self-indulgent navel-gazing.

Silva: You know I’m an igneous geologist, right?

Patricia: That’s natural philosophy!

Alyona: Right… Anyway, Heidegger taught that we have a moral duty to teach the masses to live authentically, and rise above dull conformism. The basic political goals are quite simple.

John: Philip Larkin once wrote that…

Silva: No one cares about Philip Larkin.

Alyona: As I was saying, the political goals are quite simple: To make the masses aware of their own potential. Once the working classes realise the power they possess, they will do the rest. Our job is to use our superior knowledge to enlighten them.

Alex Jaspers: Did the pamphlets arrive yet?

Alyona: I was getting to that! Pat, as our first step we have collectively written a pamphlet describing our views. I just got them from the printers this morning. Is someone outside? I’ve booked the room.

Patricia: I’ll check.

Patricia: There is this creepy guy skulking around in the hallway. He ran away before I got a chance to talk to him.

Alyona: Anyone we know? What did he look like?

Patricia: Completely ridiculous. He was wearing a hat and sunglasses inside.

Alyona: Weird. Well, let’s wrap it up for tonight. We’ll discuss the pamphlet at the next meeting. We’ve all read it anyway.

Patricia: I haven’t

Alyona: Oh, right. Wanna head out for a drink? I’ll tell you all about it.

Patricia: Sure. Anyone else coming?

Silva: Sorry, I’ve got a test on Friday. I need to get home and study.

Alex: I should probably get going too. I’m free this weekend, though.

John: Night.

Alyona: I guess it’s just the two of us. Let’s head out.

* Note: Subject speaks in stereotypical “commie” accent. It’s like a bad movie!

In 1906, Emma Goldman started a journal. Known as “Mother Earth”, this journal would be a place of expression for anarchists and idealists of all types. During its history, Mother Earth would publish articles on a broad variety of topics, such as the labor movement, education, literature, government control, women’s emancipation, and sexual freedom.

In 1915, Mother Earth became one of the earliest supporters of birth control, bringing Goldman into conflict with the Comstock law, which prohibited the dissemination of “obscene” materials, including birth control information.

In 1917, Mother Earth openly called for its readers to disobey the laws on conscription and the military draft, as Goldman considered any war waged by capitalist governments to be illegitimate. As a result, Emma Goldman was tried under the Espionage Act, sentenced to two years in jail, and later deported. Mother Earth ceased publication.

Throughout the history of the magazine, Goldman would continually champion the causes of social justice and equality, in all their forms. She never wavered, even in the face of persistent government persecution.

What she did NOT do, however, was publish a wagonload of cliché radical pamphlets, whose pages read like haphazard excerpts from Baby’s First Radical Textbook. Look at this: “The university cannot be an ivory tower, far away from the society, removed from the practical accomplishments of the Revolution. Democracy cannot consist solely of elections that are nearly always fictitious and managed by rich landowners and professional politicians. We should not allow the word 'democracy' to be utilised apologetically to represent the dictatorship of the exploiting classes.”

To call this bad writing would be an insult to the concept of writing. This is not writing at all. It’s stringing together clichés, like lights on a Christmas tree.

Compare this insipid nonsense to Emma Goldman in the first issue of Mother Earth: “Mother Earth will endeavor to attract and appeal to all those who oppose encroachment on public and individual life. It will appeal to those who strive for something higher, weary of the commonplace; to those who feel that stagnation is a deadweight on the firm and elastic step of progress; to those who breathe freely only in limitless space; to those who long for the tender shade of a new dawn for a humanity free from the dread of want, the dread of starvation in the face of mountains of riches. The Earth free for the free individual!”

Now, that’s inspirational! Don’t just repeat what you’ve read. Write from the heart.

Bizarrely, the pamphlet also contains a quote from Philip Larkin, on the difficulty of forming informed political opinions. One can only hope that this shows some degree of budding self-awareness in the author(s). With luck, he/she/they might stop writing pamphlets, and read a book instead.

All this said, the pamphlet does seem to be advocating the use of violence in the pursuit of revolutionary goals. It’s hard to tell how much of this is the earnest opinion of the author(s), and how much is merely regurgitated from various left-wing sources, but it’s probably best not to take chances.

Recommendation: Grade B surveillance.

Today, I'm apparently expected to review my own review of that book I reviewed yesterday. How delightfully recursive!*

This review is a highly disturbing work of high-class subversion. The author leads with a quote from Emma Goldman, clearly demonstrating her subversive tendencies.

The rest of the review deals with a subversive novel containing such outstanding criticism of our current society that it's a marvel the readers haven't destroyed capitalism already.

Instead of displaying proper moral outrage at this sinister sedition, the author of the review seems more occupied with analysing the perceived "flaws" of this pernicious work, clearly trying to distract the readers of the review from the imminent danger posed by the author of the novel.

The only logical conclusion is that this wicked woman is in cahoots with the author, helping him to undermine the very foundation of order upon which our prosperous society has been build. Gadzooks! If they are not stopped, Atlas won't just shrug, he'll have a goddamn epileptic seizure!

Recommendation: Bring me EVERYONE!

* I dated a computer scientist once. Never again.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Recommendation: Feed them to a million monkeys with a million typewriters.

Author: Patricia Carbon

Recipient: Silva Carpenter

Subject: Study group

Hi Silva. I’ve been thinking about our conversation, and I think I would like to join your group. My current group has no passion, and I love the idea of doing some more active stuff, in addition to studying. I’m not really sure about my political views, though. Do you think I could drop by for a few meetings, and see if it’s for me?

Author: Silva Carpenter

Recipient: Patricia Carbon

Subject: Re: Study group

Hi Pat!

Of course, you can drop by! We’re not some shady secret society or anything :). And don’t worry about politics. We pretty much disagree about everything as is! It’s not like you’ll be required to swear an oath on Das Kapital or anything :). As long as you’d like to fight social injustice, it’s cool. Suppose I’ll see you on Friday, then?

Author: Patricia Carbon

Recipient: Silva Carpenter

Subject: Re: Re: Study group

Cool :). I’ll be there.

Agent arrived at the Golden Chip Fish Bar 30 minutes before scheduled arrival of subjects, at 18:00. Agent deemed it necessary to procure a sample of offered cuisine, to avoid arousing suspicion*. Quality was mediocre, but unsuspicious.

Subjects had not arrived at 18:30. Agent procured another sample of cuisine**.

Agent looked out window at passing cars. Agent noticed blue Cadillac that agent will never be able to afford. Jesus Christ, writing this way is exhausting. Who wrote this style manual? Anyway, nothing happened. Sorry.

* See expense report #AD-5743.

** See expense report #AD-5623.

Agent arrived at pub “The Goose and Gridiron” at 17:30. Agent ordered a large draft beer*. Agent drank half of draft beer. Glass was now half full.

The subjects arrived at 17:55, and sat down at a table at the opposite end of the room, because of course they did. Agent missed first part of conversation while attempting to discreetly move to a closer table.

Second part of conversation filed separately.

Subjects noticed agent, and invited me to join the conversation! They even offered me a beer. Refusing would have been certain death. My only chance was to play along, and hope to placate their suspicions. My heart pounded in rhythm with the music as I sipped my beer, waiting for a chance to escape. Finally, it came. Two people got in a fight at the bar, and my companions were distracted. I mumbled an excuse, and left the building, as discreetly as a shadow moving through another, larger, shadow. A close call, but all part of the job.

Agent left the premises at 18:25. Last part of conversation not recorded, as agent was distracted. Agent waited outside. Subjects appeared at 18:55, leaving the premises by bicycle. Agent attempted to follow, but car refused to start. Have put in request for new car**.

* See expense report #AD-5783.

** See requisition #AK-3498. Car should be the right colour this time. I wanted orange! They gave me lemon green.

Samuel: …definitely read better books, but I think it shows promise. I liked your descriptions of the youtubian society.

Martin: Thanks! It’s good to know I can always count on you for honest feedback.

Samuel: Of course! That’s what friends are for.

Martin: Your dad is great too, of course, but he is a bit too harsh sometimes. He is so used to studying great literature that he expects every book to be warrant piece.

Samuel: He just has high standards. You’ll never improve if you are content to be a hack!

Martin: Ouch! *laughs* Do you think I should publish a second edition?

Samuel: Hmmm… If you make significant changes, it might be a good idea. How much distribution have you done so far?

Martin: Well, the first edition is mostly with friends and family so far. It will cost a few quid to reprint, but I can handle it.

Samuel: Up to you. I can’t promise I’ll be around to help you with it though. I promised Hannah we would travel Europe together this summer.

Martin: Cool! Will you get to drive the truck?

Samuel: Hell, no! Hey, notice how the guy at the next table keeps looking our way? Maybe it’s a fan!

Martin: *laughs* I wish! Hey, over there! Why don’t you come over for a pint, instead of sitting there all by yourself?

* Note: The bar was really loud. I can’t vouch for every word.

From: John Compass

To: Samuel Compass

Subject: Martin

Dearest Sam, I just spoke to Martin, vis a vis his recently published novel. Quite frankly, I don’t think he has it in him to ever be a great writer, or even a particularly good one, at least not from a literary viewpoint. However, he seems to be enjoying himself, and I think he might make a decent hack writer someday. I’m just afraid he’ll by crushed by the reception of his novel. The basic story is a decent conspiracy yarn, but the execution is sorely lacking. With a good editor, and a few rewrites, I think it might find an audience. I just know that he won’t take my criticism seriously. He is convinced that my standards are just too high, I compare everything to Tolstoy, etc. Do you think you could talk to him?

From: Samuel Compass

To: John Compass

Subject: Re: Martin

Hi, Dad, I was just thinking the same thing :). I think I like his book better than you do, but I definitely agree that it could use a rewrite. We’re going out to The Goose later, so I’ll talk to him then.

Agent waited at the rest stop near Stuttgart for subject to arrive. Agent had Big Mac with fries*. Big Mac called “Der Big Mac”.

Subject arrived at 06:30 in an Iveco PowerDrive 420 E9. Also had Big Mac.

Subject left at 07:10 following the E41. Agent followed at a discreet distance. Agent ran out of gas near Dorfmark, and lost visual on subject. Someone should have let agent know that it takes like six fucking hours to drive from Stuttgart to Hamburg. What the hell?

Leased a new car at ALD AutoLeasing D**, but it was too late to catch up with subject. Agent drove to Bad Fallingbostel to try the state-recognised Kneipp spa***.

Subject’s truck was stopped by other agents near Meckelfeld. Truck was found to contain apples, bananas and oranges. Subject allowed agents to keep a crate of bananas. No suspicious contents discovered.

* See expense report #AD-5854.

** See expense report #AD-5915.

*** I’ll pay for it myself, okay?

Martin: Hello, Martin here.

Absolon: Good morning, Mr. Brightfield. I hope I'm not interrupting?

Martin: Not at all. Who is this?

Absolon: I'm Absolon Martineau, and I'm calling from the Global Health Foundation. Our records show that you're currently donating five pounds per month to support our health initiatives.

Martin: Yeah, I think that's right.

Absolon: We're deeply grateful for your contribution. Perhaps you have heard of the flu epidemic currently ravaging South America? If you could be convinced to raise your contribution to ten pounds, we would be able to vaccinate one more child per month.

Martin: I'll have to think about it. I just published a book, so money is a bit tight right now.

Absolon: I understand. Can I...

Martin: I could send you a copy of my book, if you would like. I would love some feedback!

Absolon: I'm not sure...

Martin: It's about a group of people who decide to start their own society, and learn from the mistakes of the past. I think you might like it. What's your address?

Absolon: I'll call you back later.

Velika: Velika.

Cédric: Hi Veli, it's Cédric.

Velika: Oh, Hi, Kinsey. How are things coming along with your article?

Cédric: I wish you wouldn't call me that.

Velika: Why? It's a name with a great history. Anyway, you didn't answer my question.

Cédric: I'm talking to some of the students, but I haven't really discovered anything interesting yet. No one seems to have any grand plans to change the world. Have you thought about my suggestions?

Velika: Look, Cédric, I know you would prefer to do hard-hitting journalism all the time, but we have to keep the lights on around here. Not every story can be the next Iberostar.

Cédric: I know that, but I still think my suggestions are more appropriate.

Velika: Of course, and I'll definitely keep them in mind, but "the children are our future" is a great crowd-pleaser. Not quite on the same level as "won't someone think of the children?", but we've been milking that cow for too long.

Cédric: I'm not sure you can call them children. The girl I spoke to earlier was 19.

Velika: And how many divorces had she been through?

Cédric: I don't think...

Velika: Children.

Cédric: I'm just not sure what you expect me to find.

Velika: Just find me some students with visions, and write something about how the world will be different when they grow up. If you can find something slightly edgy, that's even better, but try not to get us in trouble with the authorities.

Cédric: Ok, I'll see what I can find.

Velika: Excellent! I look forward to reading your draft. Later.

Conversation overheard by agent in the hallway near the bathrooms.

Victor: Excuse, me?

Cédric: Yes? Can I help you?

Victor: You're Cédric Kinsinger, right? OMG, I can't believe it's actually you!

Cédric: Did you just say oh-em-gee out loud?

Victor: Is that bad? I didn't mean to offend you.

Cédric: Well, I wouldn't use that expression in an article...

Victor: Oh, of course, I know that. My writing is very different from my use of colloquial language, I assure you.

Cédric: That's good to hear.

Victor: The Iberostar report was mind-blowing! I'm studying history, but I hope to be an investigative journalist. Or an information consultant of some kind. Do you think I could get your autograph? I have a copy of your book at my room I could go get it right now!

Cédric: Sure... Listen, maybe you could do something for me?

Victor: Of course! That would be awesome!

Cédric: I am writing a report on student visions of the future. Do you have some ideas about the future? Or know someone who does?

Victor: Well, I think it would be great if the different unions combined into a global union, so things could be more organized. Is that the kind of stuff you're looking for?

Cédric: Yes, that's very .... interesting. If you meet some other students with interesting ideas, could you let me know?

Victor: Sure, I can be, like, your deputy journalist! I'll go get the book. Hi, REDACTED, I didn't see you there.

Cédric: Deputy journalist... How about you? Do you ... Hey where are you going?

Agent went to The Goose with Victor Marian to procure information*. Subject is cute, but did not reveal any useful information. However, subject did express sympathies with the views of Karl Marx. Further funding is needed to pursue this avenue of investigation.

* See expense report #AD-7545.

From: Velika Dožić

To: Cédric Kinsinger

Subject: Article?

Hello, Cédric.

I hope you're doing well at Cambridge. When you've written something, could you send it my way so I can look it over? It doesn't have to be anything substantial. Just a rough draft of how the article is going to look would be great.

From: Cédric Kinsinger

To: Velika Dožić

Subject: Re: Article

Hi, Veli. Sure, I'll send you something later today. I haven't really found much material yet, but I suppose I can string some clichés together, and transfer the document. Will that be sufficient?

From: Velika Dožić

To: Cédric Kinsinger

Subject: Re: Re: Article

Excellent! I'll let you know if there is anything you need to improve. Keep up the good work.

From: Cédric Kinsinger

To: Silva Carpenter

Subject: Interview

Dear Miss Carpenter. I am Cédric Kinsinger. You have probably heard my name in connection with the Iberostar report. I'm writing you because I'm currently doing an article on the student communities at Cambridge, and your ideas for the future. After all, your generation are the future movers and shakers of the Pan-Eurasian Union, so by understanding your minds we can understand the future.

I've been told that you're part of a student group that meets to discuss political matters. I was wondering if you had time for a brief interview? It would be a great way to get a wider audience for your ideas.

From: Silva Carpenter

To: Cédric Kinsinger

Subject: Re: Interview

Dear Mr. Kinsinger. Thanks for the offer, but I'm afraid you've been misinformed. It's true that I'm part of a student group, but we're just study mates. I suppose we discuss political philosophy on occasion, but mostly stuff we need to know for the exams.

Also, your article sounds pretty lame, tbh. "By understanding your minds we can understand the future." Seriously? Aren't you supposed to be a famous journalist?

From: Cédric Kinsinger

To: Silva Carpenter

Subject: Re: Re: Interview

Ha, you got me there. That line came from my editor, actually. She's a great editor, but not much of an independent writer. Are you sure you can't help me? All I have so far is a bunch of clichés. I could use some actual ideas to make this article less of a fluff piece. Do you know anyone I could talk to?

From: Silva Carpenter

To: Cédric Kinsinger

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Interview

I'll keep my ears to the ground, but I can't really think of anyone atm. Everyone wants a fancy consultancy position when they're done, so the last thing they want is to be associated with subversive ideas. Maybe you could write something about this kind of self-censorship?

From: Cédric Kinsinger

To: Silva Carpenter

Subject: Re: Re: Interview

Hmm, maybe, but it's not what my editor wants right now. Thanks for your time, anyway. I'll keep looking.

Cédric: Cédric here.

Philip Passeri: Good evening, Mr. Kinsinger.

Cédric: Hello. Who is this?

Philip Passeri: I am who I am.

Cédric: What? Can I help you?

Philip Passeri: This line is not secure. You are to receive further instructions through the usual channels.

Cédric: Is this some kind of prank? Where did you get this number?

Philip Passeri: Excellent reply. Maintain plausible deniability.

Cédric: I am hanging up. If you call again, I'm reporting this to the authorities.

In 1880 The Pittsburgh Dispatch published a column titled "What Girls Are Good For". In the column, the author argued that women should stick to domestic activities, and that the working woman was a "monstrosity". Shortly afterwards the paper received a scathing rebuttal from an author identifying herself only as "Lonely Orphan Girl".

The author turned out to be Elizabeth Jane Cochrane, later known under her pen name, "Nellie Bly." When the editor of the Dispatch offered her a job, little could he have known that this unassuming girl would pioneer a new form of investigative journalism.

Unfortunately, the Pittsburgh Dispatch soon relegated Nellie to the women's pages, and in 1887 she left to work for the New York World. It was while working for the World that Bly went undercover at a women's lunatic asylum, to investigate the brutal conditions at the facility. Her report, Ten Days in a Mad-House, made her famous.

In 1888, Nellie Bly travelled around the world in 72 days, easily beating Phileas Fogg's fictitious record.

In 1893, Bly visited a jail cell in New York City. Here she became the first person to properly interview Emma Goldman. In the interview, Bly refuted the common view of Goldman as a "property-destroying, capitalist-killing, riot-promoting agitator" with "a red flag in one hand, a burning torch in the other; both feet constantly off of the ground and 'murder!' continually upon her lips." Instead, she described Goldman as "the modern Joan of Arc."

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Throughout her career, Bly pioneered the fields of investigative and undercover journalism. Never content to simply write what she was told, she insisted on being present as the events were happening.

Unfortunately, Nellie Bly has been dead for 200 years, AND IT SHOWS! Journalists nowadays seem content to write insipid "he said, she said" reports, hardly ever doing any actual investigative journalism.

Even Cédric Kinsinger does not seem immune to this affliction, if this puff piece is to be believed. What happened to you, Cédric? The Iberostar report showed genuine promise. I mean, it was pretty mediocre by Nellie Bly standards, but at least you went outside and had some fresh air.

This article, however, epitomizes everything wrong with the modern media. Not only is it a "the children are our future" piece, but it doesn't even include any remotely interesting opinions from actual students! Granted, the author does a remarkable job of obscuring this fact by wrapping random interview snippets in impenetrable clouds of clichés, but the article remains a vacuous waste of time.

As the article contains no actual opinions, it can hardly be considered subversive. However, it might be a good idea to keep an eye on Mr. Kinsinger, in case he flushes out some genuine subversives. I wouldn't count on it, though. Emma Goldman is not coming back.

Recommendation: Grade A surveillance.

Seriously, don't flag my reviews. It just pisses me off.

Phone call was traced to a room at the Cambridge University Arms Hotel. Subject was checked in under the name "Philip Passeri." A search of the room revealed no clues to the identity or whereabouts of the subject.

The hotel concierge described the subject as about 180 cm tall and of medium build. The concierge had not been able to get a good look at the subject's face due to the fact that he was wearing a hoodie and a cap. He remembered finding the subject suspicious, as he was obviously trying to hide something.

The concierge also informed me of the existence of a safe in the subject's room, and I managed to convince him to produce the key. The safe contained a disposable cell phone and a notebook. The cell phone appeared to have been cleansed of useful data.

The notebook was written in a cypher, which I was unable to decode. It did however contain a stylized picture of a burning bush on the inside of the front cover. Subject is almost certainly an IAM operative.

I waited around in the hotel for the rest of the day, in case the subject should decide to come back. To avoid arousing suspicion, I had dinner at the hotel restaurant. Dinner was pea and broad bean risotto, followed by corn fed chicken, with chocolate and cherry trifle for dessert*.

After dinner, I had a few dry martinis with the concierge, in case he might remember something**. He didn't.

Subject had not returned at 10 pm. The Hotel should probably be kept under surveillance. I'm sure some Grade A dork can handle that.

* See expense report #AD-7645.

** See expense report #AD-7687.

Agent asked subject to go see a movie. Subject said yes! Agent and subject went to the theatre later that day and saw "Jurassic Park: Lost and Found."* It was great! I can't believe that dinosaur ate Ian Malcolm! Subject put arm around Agent during exciting climax.

After the movie, Agent and subject went to a nearby restaurant and had Italian food**. Agent procured a high-quality bottle of wine, to get subject to open up and let down his guard***.

Agent and subject had a stimulating conversation about a variety of topics. Subject is very charming! Subject did not reveal any compromising information but did express sympathy for subversive figures. "Peter Kropotkin rules!" exclaimed subject.

After dinner, Agent and subject went back to subject's flat. The next morning breakfast was ordered and eaten in bed****. Subject expressed an interest in visiting Paris.

It is the opinion of this Agent that such a trip would be an excellent opportunity to catch the subject with his guard down. Subject has repeatedly expressed sympathy for subversive views and is almost certain to have contact with subversive groups.

Further funding is necessary to pursue this avenue of investigation.

* See expense report #AD-6443.

** See expense report #AD-6723.

*** See expense report #AD-6788.

**** See expense report #AD-6792.

Note: Conversation recovered from phone found at the Cambridge University Arms Hotel. Some data is missing.

From: Philip Passeri

To: Unknown

Subject: Kinsinger

I have spoken with Cédric Kinsinger. He is in place at Cambridge and ready to commence with the operation. He is making contact with the students and will attempt to identify potential converts to our cause. Is everything ready on your side?

From: Unknown

To: Philip Passeri

Subject: Re: Kinsinger

Excellent. I knew subverting a journalist would be invaluable. Everyone will think he is just looking for a story. We must work on expanding our influence with the fourth estate. This will be key to spreading our ideas among the impressionable youth.

Everything is ready, but give Kinsinger a few days to find converts among the students. We will need all the allies we can get if the operation is to proceed smoothly. Do not proceed until fdfdsfssf42rewrfds3.

From: Philip Passeri

To: Unknown

Subject: Instructions

Understood. One more thing: I have hko24507 dasa3e341sdasdrr33 surveillance operation currently in progress at or near Cambridge. There is a non-zero probability that my position may have been compromised. Should I 4hiigt492

From: Unknown

To: Philip Passeri

Subject: Relocation

Yes, relocate to the IAM safe house, as previously agreed. The operation is too important to take any chances.

From: Philip Passeri

To: Unknown

Re: Relocation

I will do so immediately. Should I also tell Kinsinger a34errsgdfæpolkhjghfd

From: Unknown

To: Philip Passeri

Subject: Kinsinger

On the contrary, let Kinsinger tell everyone about the mysterious calls and mails he has received. This will increase his plausible deniability, should the operation be compromised.

From: Philip Passeri

To: Unknown

Subject: Re: Kinsinger

Brilliant! It is clear why you are the Omega, and not I. I will do as instructed and make contact once I have reached the safe house.

From: Velika Dožić

To: Cédric Kinsinger

Subject: Progress?

Good morning, Cédric.

How are you doing at Cambridge? Absolutely nothing is happening over here, so we're dying for some content for the new edition. Have you found any juicy students yet?

From: Cédric Kinsinger

To: Velika Dožić

Subject: Re: Progress?

Well, I guess it depends on what you mean by "juicy"... Most people here have about as many original ideas as a cardboard cutout of Jayson Blair. However, I have discovered evidence that a few students have started a group to discuss political ideas.

I spoke to one of the members, and she denied that they were anything more than a normal study group, but I'm pretty sure she was just trying to throw me off the track. I've found out where they meet, so I'll probably drop in next time.

From: Velika Dožić

To: Cédric Kinsinger

Subject: Excellent!

Excellent!

Let me know what you find out. Don't be afraid to prod them a bit, to get them to open up. I am sure they have plenty of interesting stuff to say, if you'll just be a bit persistent.

From: Cédric Kinsinger

To: Velika Dožić

Subject: Re: Excellent!

Sure, I just don't want to be asking any leading questions. We do want genuine ideas here right? Are you sure this whole thing is a good idea? Students can be pretty naive, and I wouldn't want to get them in trouble due to a few ill-conceived remarks. Maybe it's best to let them have some privacy until they've grown up?

From: Velika Dožić

To: Cédric Kinsinger

Subject: Oh, Cédric

Of course we are looking for a genuine ideas! Why must you always twist my words so? Just try to get them to open up a bit, that's all I'm saying.

Oh, and of course it's a good idea to hear what young people today have to say. Haven't you read that book I lent you about the open society and its enemies? Obviously, the greatest enemy of an open society is the idea that people should keep their ideas to themselves. A free exchange of ideas and opinions is vital to a well-functioning democracy, such as ours.

Besides, if they truly do believe in bombing the government, or something stupid like that, then it's in their own best interest for someone to investigate and get them back on the right track.

From: Cédric Kinsinger

To: Velika Dožić

Subject: Oh, Cédric

Right, the book. I've been meaning to get around to it...

I guess you're right. Allowing these students to express themselves is in everyone's best interest. I'll write again when I have something.

Present: Cédric Kinsinger, Alyona Artemieva, REDACTED, Silva Carpenter, John Blue, REDACTED and Patricia Carbon.

Alyona Artemieva: Good evening, everyone. It's great to see so many people here tonight. Now, if only I could find my gavel...

Silva Carpenter: Don't you keep it in the drawer?

Alyona: Yeah, but it isn't there anymore. Why would anyone want to steal a gavel? Oh, what the hell. *Claps hands*. The meeting is open!

*Applause*

Alyona: Unfortunately, Alex couldn't make it tonight. He is training for a triathlon, or something. However, we have two new faces with us! Everyone, say hello to REDACTED and REDACTED.

Patricia Carbon: Hello, both of you! It's great to see new people so soon. This is only my second meeting.

Silva: Yeah, it's good to see new faces.

John Blue: Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another...

Alyona: Awesome! How about you introduce yourself?

REDACTED: Hi, everyone! I'm REDACTED, and I'm a REDACTED.

REDACTED: And I'm REDACTED. I study at REDACTED. I'm really excited to be here!

John Blue: You have beautiful eyes. Are they real?

REDACTED: What? Is that supposed to be a compliment?

John Blue: Sorry, never mind...

Silva: I don't mean to sound negative, but is it a good idea for the group to be growing so fast? We are supposed to be a small group of close friends.

Alyona: You igneous geologists are all so suspicious! Don't worry about it. I've known REDACTED for years and REDACTED vouched for REDACTED. Growing membership just means our ideas are beginning to take hold. Speaking of that, I've got a surprise tonight. Everyone, meet Cédric Kinsinger!

Cédric Kinsinger: Good evening, everyone. Good to see you again, Miss Carpenter.

Silva: But I thought... Never mind.

Alyona: To answer everyone's question: Yes, Cédric Kinsinger is the man who wrote the Iberostar report. I spoke to him yesterday, and he is very interested in our ideas. This is a great opportunity to get more exposure.

John: Holy shit, I love your literary reviews!

Cédric: Thank you! Unfortunately, my editor hasn't been very interested in those lately. I'm currently writing an article about the students of today, and your visions for society.

Silva: And you hope that by understanding our minds you can understand the future?

John: Haha, your writing is not quite on the same level as Mr. Kinsinger's.

REDACTED: Haha.

Cédric: Don't be so harsh on Miss Carpenter. I've had far more time to practice than her.

Alyona: I think we should show Mr. Kinsinger our pamphlet. Obviously, it's a work in progress, but I hope you will find it interesting.

Cédric: I'm sure I will, Miss Artemieva. I will be happy to give you some pointers on how to improve your writing.

Alyona: That would be amazing! We could give you co-writing credit.

Cédric: Uh, I'm not sure...

Patricia Carbon: It's gone! The crate is gone. Someone must have taken it.

Alyona: What? Oh, that's just great. First my gavel, and now this? I refuse to believe that someone just swiped the crate spontaneously. That thing weighs a ton.

REDACTED: We should go look for it. Maybe it has just been moved.

Alyona: I suppose it can't hurt to take a look around. Sorry, Mr. Kinsinger. I can print you a copy later, if we don't find the crate.

Cédric: Don't worry about it.

Note: Agents inserted the crate into a nearby room during the meeting. The janitor was instructed to tell the students that he had moved it. Department assets report that the students do not appear suspicious.

The location of the gavel remains unknown.

From: Martin Brightfield

To: Patricia Carbon

Subject: How are you doing?

Hi, Pat!

How are you doing? I've been shopping my novel around and have gotten some great feedback. I think I'm going to write a second edition and see if I can catch the interest of a bigger publishing house.

How are things with your study group? Is it better than the old one?

From: Patricia Carbon

To: Martin Brightfield

Subject: Re: How are you doing?

Hi, Honey!

I'm sorry I've been so busy the last couple of days. I promise I'll make it up to you soon :). Maybe we can go out this weekend?

My new study group is definitely better than the old one! Much more interesting as well. We don't just do homework; we also discuss social and political issues and try to spread awareness of the problems facing the modern information society.

You should come to a meeting some day! I'm sure they'll love hearing about your book. We are working on a pamphlet ourselves, and we could use some feedback too :).

From: Martin Brightfield

To: Patricia Carbon

Subject: Cool!

That sounds great! I'll try to make it to one of your meetings. If nothing else, I can give you some copies of my book, so you can hand them out :).

From: Patricia Carbon

To: Martin Brightfield

Subject: Re: Cool

We'll figure something out :). Btw, I almost forgot: You won't believe what happened at our last meeting: Cédric Kinsinger showed up! The journalist, you know. I have no idea how Al managed to pull it off, but there he was. He is going to write a story about our ideas.

I completely forgot to tell him about your book, but you should definitely try to get him to take a look at it. Maybe he will mention it in his article!

From: Martin Brightfield

To: Patricia Carbon

Subject: Holy cow!

That's amazing! I used to read his literary reviews all the time. Even a short mention in one of his articles would do wonders for my attempts to get the publishing houses to take me seriously. I'll see if I can make it to your next meeting :)

Cédric: Cédric.

Martin: Hello, Mr. Kinsinger. This is Martin Brightfield. It's such a great honour to finally have an opportunity to speak to you. I used to read your literary reviews all the time.

Cédric: Who are you? Where did you get this number?

Martin: I'm Martin, Pat's bf. She said you gave her your card at the meeting.

Cédric: Please don't say abbreviations out loud.

Martin Sorry?

Cédric: Never mind. Yeah, I think Miss Carbon mentioned you. Sorry for sounding so paranoid. I have been getting a lot of weird phone calls and messages lately. What can I do for you?

Martin: I don't know if Pat mentioned it, but I have recently published a science fiction novel, with a lot of social criticism. I think it would be a perfect fit to your article. I can get you a copy, if you would like to check it out.

Cédric: I don't see why not. It's not like I'm exactly drowning in material here. You're not a student are you?

Martin No, I drive a mail lorry.

Cédric: Oh, well, as long as you're dating one, I guess I can sell it to my editor.

Martin Thank you so much! I can't tell you how much this means to me!

Cédric: You are welcome.

Cédric: Cédric, here.

Velika: Hello, Kinsey. How are you doing?

Cédric: Okay, under the circumstances. Did you get my draft?

Velika: Oh, yes! I like the style, but it's a bit thin. It needs more bite. How are your progress with the students?

Cédric: Well, I've met with the student group I told you about earlier. They're definitely trying to come up with original ideas, but I'm afraid they're not very good at it. They've managed to write a pamphlet consisting almost entirely of she gewara quotes.

Velika: She ge who ra?

Cédric: He is this famous revolutionary that was popular in the 20th century. They must have dug up some old books from the library and felt inspired.

Velika: Is he related to Nelli Blue or any of those other historical persons you're always going on about?

Cédric: Eh, no. You do realize that "history" isn't some kind of island where everybody knows each other, right?

Velika: It's a good thing I don't care either way! I'm sure you can give them some pointers on their writing, and you will *unintelligible* in no time. Anything else?

Cédric: Well, one of them is dating a guy who wrote a book that's maybe critical of modern society or something? I haven't had time to check it out yet.

Velika: Fantastic! Sounds like you're making progress. I am sure you will write a great article. Later.

"MAILSUBJECT" is an InterMail written by a newly started Associate Consultant, by the name of FIRSTNAME LASTNAME. FIRSTNAME clearly has an inflated sense of self-importance and believes that I have nothing better to do than read mails all day.

In the mail, FIRSTNAME writes: "MAILBODY"

It took me less than a minute to read this mail, yet I felt that it was too long. In that precious minute I could have read a page of world class literature, picked up another cup of coffee, or contemplated the mysteries of existence. Instead, I wasted a priceless fragment of my life on this insipid collection of platitudes. Nothing in the mail could conceivably be of interest to anyone, and by its very existence the world grows more grey.

Recommendation: Drone strike.

P.S: You were probably expecting me to say something about Emma Goldman. Well, I won't! You don't deserve to have your name mentioned in the same paragraph as Emma Goldman. I won't even allow you to say "Hello, this is FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, do you have any books by Emma Goldman?". You should order anonymously, to show respect.

P.P.S: My brilliant put–down above is a reference to a classic review by Roger Ebert, but I guess that means nothing to you. You probably don't even know who Roger Ebert was.

Present: Alyona Artemieva, REDACTED, Silva Carpenter, REDACTED, REDACTED, REDACTED, Martin Brightfield and Patricia Carbon.

Alyona Artemieva: Good evening, and welcome to the meeting. I have some great news! We have even more new faces tonight. The growth of our little group is surpassing my wildest expectations!

Silva Carpenter: This is getting ridiculous!

Alyona: Why? New blood is a good thing. It prevents us from stagnating.

Silva: Stagnating? We've only been doing this for a couple of weeks. And I was under the impression that we were supposed to be a tightly-knit group of close friends.

Patricia Carbon: Come on, Silva. Can't we talk about this after the meeting?

Silva: Sorry, but if we're not even going to pretend to be discreet, then I'm not interested. You'll have to excuse me. I have some basalt to attend to.

REDACTED: I hope we aren't causing you problems?

Alyona: No, don't worry. She'll come around. Everyone, this is REDACTED and REDACTED, both from the department of REDACTED. Also, Pat has brought her bf, who is a writer! Hi, Martin!

Martin Brightfield: Hi! I am happy to be here.

REDACTED: Hi, Martin!

Alyona: Well, Alex is still training, and has anyone seen John? No? Well, I guess he's busy with a book or something. On the agenda for tonight is pamphlet distribution and discussion of Martin's book. Any questions? Yes, REDACTED?

REDACTED: Well, I think the pamphlets and the book are great ideas, but shouldn't we be doing more? We're not going to change the world with words alone.

Alyona: Well, we're only just getting started. Let's begin by getting our ideas out there, and then see what happens.

Martin: Don't forget that the pen is mightier than the sword.

Patricia: Well said!

REDACTED: Well, I agree with REDACTED. I've read about this thing called propaganda of the deed, where you inspire other people by direct action!

REDACTED: Yeah!

Alyona: Ok... What kind of action did you have in mind?

REDACTED: Well, you know that old statue of President Farkas in the courtyard? We should blow it up, to inspire people to question authority!

REDACTED: Yeah!

Patricia: How would that inspire people to do anything? No one cares about that statue.

REDACTED: Well... It would remind them of the fallibility of authority.

REDACTED: Yeah!

REDACTED: I agree as well.

Alyona: I think that's a bit of a stretch. Besides we are supposed to inspire people with our philosophical ideas, not with lame shit like that.

REDACTED: But we are supposed to inspire them to take action, right? How can we expect people to take action if we are not willing to do so ourselves?

REDACTED: Yeah!

REDACTED: We must lead by example, not by words.

Martin: I know I'm new here, but that doesn't sound like a very good example.

REDACTED: I say we put it to a vote!

REDACTED: Yeah!

REDACTED: I vote for the vote as well.

REDACTED: Me too.

Alyona: Ok, let's have a vote then. All in favour of being stupid idiots? And opposed? Hmm. I guess it's four to three in favour.

REDACTED: Yay! When do we get started!

Alyona: Just wait a minute! We're not making a big decision like this with three members absent. I move that we postpone the vote to the next meeting. All in favour? Excellent. One third of the present members can vote to postpone a decision.

REDACTED: Where does it say that?

Alyona: Up here! I'm saying that! Meeting adjourned. Where the hell is that goddamned gavel?

Martin: This wasn't really what I expected.

Patricia: Sorry, it's not usually like that.

Alyona: Yeah, don't worry, we'll sort things out next time. Maybe I should start listening to Silva.

It turned out that there was a flight to Paris the next morning! Tickets were expensive, but purchase was deemed necessary to win the trust of subject*.

The flight departed from Heathrow at 07:30 and arrived at De Gaulle airport at 07:45. The city was just as beautiful as Agent had imagined. The sun was shining, and temperature was around 20°C. Agent and subject laughed together at our crazy spontaneity.

Agent and subject had the best day ever, seeing the sights of Paris together and trying several fancy restaurants**. Subject is starting to open up and hinted at knowing important subversives.

In the evening, Agent and subject relaxed at the hotel together and ordered room service***. With sufficient amounts of expensive champagne, Agent got subject to open up and discuss subversive topics, such as Emma Goldman, surplus value, and the Unabomber.

Agent is close to a breakthrough. Subject has hinted at being able to introduce Agent to subversive Parisian groups. Agent ordered more expensive champagne, to get subject to let down his guard****, but subject told Agent to be patient.

Further funding is necessary to pursue this avenue of investigation.

* See expense report #AD-6563.

** See expense report #AD-6677.

*** See expense report #AD-6938.

**** See expense report #AD-6992.

Present: C17 and John Blue

C17: So, Mr. Blue, I'm afraid this is the end of your subversive career. How are you feeling?

John Blue: I'm not sure... Kinda relieved, honestly. It was exciting to begin with, but I was starting to have second thoughts. Everything just seemed a bit too ... cliché, somehow.

C17: That's good. Regret will look good on your record.

John Blue: What's going to happen now? Are you going to torture me?

C17: What? No, I'm not remotely qualified for anything like that.

John Blue: That was a plural you!!!*

C17: Oh, right. No, torture is rarely an effective option, and you don't strike me as the torturable type anyway. Just cooperate and everything will be fine. You'll probably be resettled to a nice location. One of my former colleagues was sent to Portmeirion!

John Blue: Ok...

C17: But I digress. Tell me how you became involved with IAM operatives.

John Blue: Well, I was going through a rough patch, and it just kinda happened... Philip Larkin once said that "you can look out of your life like a train and see what you're heading for, but you can't stop the train."

C17: That's not a very good metaphor, though, is it? Trains run on tracks. You made a choice.

John Blue: Maybe choices are like the railroad switches?

C17: Please tell me this is not going to turn into a trolley problem.

John Blue: God, no! I got sick of trolley problems halfway through Introduction to Philosophy. I guess that's why I switched to literature.

C17: Well, Heidegger thought it was important for people to realize the necessity of making sacrifices for the greater good. I actually wrote my thesis on trolley problems. Ha ha, I guess this is one area where I really would be qualified to torture you! Sorry, was that in bad taste?

John Blue: A bit... I guess you might have a point. Trains don't make for very good metaphors. Nothing else is quite like a train.

C17: I don't know about that; this conversation seems to have gone off the rails a while ago. Let's try to stay on topic: Once you had joined IAM, you infiltrated a student society and turned it towards subversive purposes. Correct?

John Blue: Not really. I guess I joined the group for the same reason I joined IAM, but the two things didn't have much to do with each other. Anyway, the others didn't really pay much attention to me. I am not very good with meetings.

C17: Our intelligence indicates that you had a greater influence than you seem to think. It's in your own best interest not to hold anything back. So, after infiltrating the society, you participated in the subversion of the famous journalist Cédric Kinsinger. Correct?

John Blue: I contacted him a few times, but he didn't seem like he had any idea what I was talking about. The others said it was due to "plausible deniability"**, but I honestly think they were full of shit. I'm not sure that IAM ever...

C17: Don't speculate. Just answer the questions. We're much better qualified to analyze information than you.

John Blue: But you're only asking yes/no questions. Do you just want me to answer "yes" to everything?

C17: No, we'll also need you to sign a statement, but I am happy to hear that you're willing to cooperate. Let's call it a day, and I'll draw up the paperwork.

* Note: Several exclamation marks in a row is usually bad form, but the subject was very agitated, and I think he would have approved. A good transcription consultant should strive to determine what the subjects themselves would have written.

** I only have the tape, but I'm almost certain he made air quotes here. You can hear it in his voice.

Martin Brightfield: Hi, this is Martin.

Adroushan Gasparyan: Hello. Is this Mr. Brightfield speaking?

Martin: Yeah, that's me, but just call me Martin.

Adroushan: Very well, Martin. This is Adroushan Gasparyan from Melik-Baumgartner. You recall, we communicated a few days ago?

Martin: Of course! It's great to finally talk to you. I tried to call you several times, but your secretary is impenetrable. Have you read my book?

Adroushan: Well, I promised I would take a look at it, so I skimmed it yesterday. The basic plot does show some promise, but the writing needs a lot of work. As it is, we're not interested, but if you could polish it up a bit, I might be willing to give it another chance.

Martin: That's amazing! I am actually working on a second edition as we speak. I know some literature experts, so tightening up the writing won't be a problem.

Adroushan: That's good to hear. Resubmit it when you're ready, and I'll give it another look. Oh, one more thing. The current plot is a bit too subversive for our taste, but I think that's easily fixed. Young people nowadays don't want to burn down the establishment and join hippie communes or whatever. They want successful consultancy careers. Perhaps you could make it so that the main character fixes the problems of the flawed society instead of just leaving?

Martin: I'm not sure... That's kind of a major change. The main character is supposed to liberate people.

Adroushan: Of course, but Martin Heidegger demonstrated that most people are happiest living "inauthentic" lives as part of a group. What better way to liberate people than to help them live together as part of a strong society?

Martin: Are you sure Heidegger said that? Maybe I should ask my gf. She knows that kind of stuff.

Adroushan: Gee ef?

Martin: Sorry, my girlfriend.

Adroushan: Oh, sure, you do that. Just keep in mind that the plot will need to be restructured a bit, if you want us to publish your book.

Martin: Ok, I'll figure it out. Thanks for calling!

Adroushan: You're welcome.

I first went to the subject's house, to survey the carnage. The fight between the bear and the agents had nearly levelled the building. I resolved not to repeat their mistake. When I meet the bear, I will be ready.

Luckily, several witnesses had observed the subject leaving, atop the mighty steed. I had no trouble picking up their tracks, and soon I was pursuing them across the Eurasian continent. What I saw during the pursuit amazed me.

Everywhere the intrepid couple goes, they fight injustice and liberate people from oppression. I passed town after town of people rejoicing in their newfound freedom.

As if that wasn't enough, they have also been joined by Cédric Kinsinger, the famous journalist. I have read a few of the articles he has written during their travels, and it is the most amazing investigative journalism I have ever seen. It's like Woodward and Bernstein had a threesome with Nellie Bly. Everyone who reads the articles is inspired to throw off the shackles of oppression and become truly free.

They have also been joined by a subversive woman, whose oratory skills surpass anything I have ever heard before. At one town I heard her give an amazing speech, finishing with the following lines: "Ask for work. If they don't give you work, ask for bread. If they do not give you work or bread, then take FREEEEEDOOOOM." The crowd went wild.

Together, they are accomplishing truly great things. They have already abolished capitalism in northern Germany, from Flensburg to Meckelfeld. I can only imagine what they will accomplish as they move on through Europe.

In fact, I have become increasingly sympathetic to their cause. From reading their articles, listening to their speeches, and seeing their results, I have come to realise that my work contributes to the propagation of oppression and injustice. No more, I say!

Thus, this will be my last report. From this day on, I am no longer "D06". I am not an alphanumeric designation, I am a free man!

When I meet the bear, I will be ready.

Subjects have managed to escape the UK and are now fleeing across Europe. I tracked them to a cowboy bar in Meckelfeld, where there had apparently been an altercation, concluding with the brutal murder of an innocent bar patron by TITLE LASTNAME. Subject should be considered armed and extremely dangerous.

During my pursuit across Germany, I soon discovered that TITLE LASTNAME had joined forces with a recently paroled thief, likely a fellow IAM terrorist. From interviewing witnesses, I later learned that TITLE LASTNAME had apparently had a falling out with POSSESSIVE accomplice, who had absconded with TITLE LASTNAME's funds.

Unfortunately, this had the side-effect of making TITLE LASTNAME even more desperate. In Austria PRONOUN perpetrated an armed robbery of a convenience store, leaving several innocent civilians severely traumatized.

In Slovenia, a local peace officer recognized the subjects and pulled them over. TITLE LASTNAME held him at gunpoint, locked him in the trunk of the car, and took his gun and ammunition.

In Croatia, the subjects opened fire at a tanker truck, with no provocation, causing an explosion. The driver, a Miss Hannah Abendroth, insists that both subjects participated in the attack. At this point, I was forced to conclude that Miss Schueler must be suffering from Stockholm syndrome.

I finally cornered the subjects at Tara River Canyon in Montenegro. They had nowhere left to go. I pleaded with them both to surrender peacefully.

The subjects kept going.

News

As you all know, Alice Sheldon recently decided to step down as AlethiCorp CEO, to seek new challenges. Alex DuMaurier has been appointed new CEO of the group.

We have all heard of the excellent work Alex has done in the Americas and hope that the new leadership will mean great things for the entire group!

After months of hard work, the AlethiCorp team has managed to win the contract with the Larkhill Resettlement Council!

AlethiCorp consultants will provide invaluable assistance in the necessary resettlement of endangered Pan-Eurasian ethnicities, as well as subversive elements.

We are happy to announce that FIRSTNAME LASTNAME has decided to join the AlethiCorp family. FIRSTNAME will be starting as a Junior Information Management Consultant.

We look forward to working with FIRSTNAME, and hope everyone will do their best to ensure that PRONOUN finds POSSESSIVE place in our global community.

After several weeks of negotiation, we are now ready to announce that AlethiCorp has acquired the UK based consultancy firm SiChris Consulting Ltd.

Management is confident that our almost 250 new employees will significantly improve the quality of AlethiCorp services in the UK.

Earlier today, FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, a recently employed Associate Consultant, was conclusively proven to be an undercover operative working for IAM, the notorious subversive hacker collective.

"We're lucky that TITLE LASTNAME was caught so early," says Oskar Jönsson, head of IT security for the UK branch. "As soon as PRONOUN received access to the database, PRONOUN proceeded to delete as much data as possible, severely disrupting an important AlethiCorp investigation."

"Investigation revealed that TITLE LASTNAME had recently been in contact with other IAM operatives, and steps were taken to prevent further damage. Had PRONOUN been more discreet, there is no telling how much damage PRONOUN might have caused."

"This is a tragic event", says CEO Alex DuMaurier, speaking to a group of approved media representatives. "But it also confirms the importance of the work we are doing here at AlethiCorp. Were it not for our information management efforts, subversives such as TITLE LASTNAME would be free to pursue their activities, to the detriment of decent citizens."

"However, we must remember that FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, and others like OBJECTPRONOUN, are misguided souls, who should be pitied, not hated. We are working with the Larkhill Resettlement Council to resettle TITLE LASTNAME to an appropriate location, where PRONOUN can be safely rehabilitated. Let us hope that PRONOUN one day finds POSSESSIVE place as a productive citizen of the Union."

Added Mx. DuMaurier: "In retrospect, we should have seen it coming. Those 'BEARTYPE' types are never reliable. I will ensure that steps are taken to improve our hiring processes."

AlethiCorp CEO Alex DuMaurier today announced a new initiative intended to increase synergy across the entire AlethiCorp group.

As part of this new initiative, AlethiCorp consultants will be moved between branches much more frequently, in order to holistically increase cross-branch communication and cultural cross-pollination.

"This new initiative will provide AlethiCorp consultants with a better understanding of their colleagues", said Mx. DuMaurier. "This will allow us to more efficiently operationalize our global market traction, to the benefit of both the group and our customers."

Recent events have demonstrated that Eurasian universities are, unfortunately, a hotbed of subversive activities. Innocent students are regularly led astray by subversive groups, jeopardizing their future as productive citizens of the Union.

To combat this unfortunate tendency, AlethiCorp has signed a contract with the Eurasian Association of Students, to provide on-campus counselling for its members.

Students will be taught to recognize signs of subversive infiltration, and to lead their affected friends back on the right path.

Earlier today, FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, a recently employed Associate Consultant, was conclusively proven to be an undercover operative working for IAM, the notorious subversive hacker collective.

Added Mx. DuMaurier: "In retrospect, we should have seen it coming. Those 'BEARTYPE' types are never reliable. I will ensure that steps are taken to improve our hiring processes."

We are now ready to announce that AlethiCorp consultants have, for the last several days, been involved in a major investigation involving subversive influences in both the media and the education sector.

The investigation is now drawing to a close, and we will be ready to announce the results soon.

Several major arrests are expected to result from the hard work of our consultants, and the outcome should help grow the AlethiCorp brand across the Pan-Eurasian Union.

Stay tuned!

Earlier today, FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, a recently employed Associate Consultant, was conclusively proven to be an undercover operative working for IAM, the notorious subversive hacker collective.

"We're lucky that TITLE LASTNAME was finally caught," says Oskar Jönsson, head of IT security for the UK branch. "After PRONOUN had won the trust of POSSESSIVE colleagues, PRONOUN proceeded to delete as much data as possible, severely disrupting an important AlethiCorp investigation."

"Investigation revealed that TITLE LASTNAME had recently been in contact with other IAM operatives, and steps were taken to prevent further damage. Due to POSSESSIVE effective infiltration, PRONOUN caused considerable damage to our investigation."

Added Mx. DuMaurier: "In retrospect, we should have seen it coming. Those 'BEARTYPE' types are never reliable. I will ensure that steps are taken to improve our hiring processes."

Earlier today, FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, a recently employed Associate Consultant, was conclusively proven to be an undercover operative working for IAM, the notorious subversive hacker collective.

"FIRSTNAME did an impressive job playing the part of the loyal employee," says Sandra Silvern, head of the personal information team at the UK branch. "However, PRONOUN exposed himself when asked to make recommendations concerning certain subversive citizens."

"In spite of overwhelming evidence of subversion, FIRSTNAME tried to cover this up and refused to assign high threat levels to any of the subversives. Luckily, I had assigned more experienced consultants to review POSSESSIVE results. It didn't take them long to realize what PRONOUN was doing. If I hadn't been so diligent, FIRSTNAME might have done a great deal of harm to the investigation."

"Investigation revealed that TITLE LASTNAME had recently been in contact with other IAM operatives," adds Oskar Jönsson, head of IT security for the UK branch. "Immediate steps were taken to isolate OBJECTPRONOUN and transfer the case to other employees. Most of the data was still intact, so we should be able to make our case without too much trouble. All told, this could have been a lot worse."

Added Mx. DuMaurier: "In retrospect, we should have seen it coming. Those 'BEARTYPE' types are never reliable. I will ensure that steps are taken to improve our hiring processes."

Earlier today, FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, a recently employed Associate Consultant, was conclusively proven to be an undercover operative working for IAM, the notorious subversive hacker collective.

"Instead of identifying the obvious subversives, FIRSTNAME tried to implicate AlethiCorp employees in subversive activities. Luckily, I knew for a fact that the loyalty of said employees was beyond reproach. If I hadn't been so diligent, FIRSTNAME might have succeeded in ruining the careers of several upstanding consultants."

"We are working with the Larkhill Resettlement Council to resettle TITLE LASTNAME to a secure location, where PRONOUN can be safely rehabilitated, without being able to ruin the lives of others. Let us hope that PRONOUN one day finds POSSESSIVE place as a productive citizen of the Union."

Added Mx. DuMaurier: "In retrospect, we should have seen it coming. Those 'BEARTYPE' types are never reliable. I will ensure that steps are taken to improve our hiring processes."

Earlier today, FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, a recently employed Associate Consultant, was conclusively proven to be a dangerous terrorist working for IAM, the notorious subversive hacker collective.

"We suspected TITLE LASTNAME from the beginning," says Vitaly Vedenin, head of Information Acquisition for the UK branch. "Our background checks had revealed certain disturbing connections, so when PRONOUN applied for a position, we kept OBJECTPRONOUN under strict supervision."

"To test POSSESSIVE loyalty, AlethiCorp employees made contact, posing as IAM operatives. FIRSTNAME immediately demanded to be involved in the most dangerous IAM assignments and insisted that the subversive cause justified any means."

"I was taken aback by FIRSTNAME's bloodlust," says Oskar Jönsson, head of IT security, who ran the operation along with Information Acquisition. "I was expecting OBJECTPRONOUN to report the contact to security, but instead PRONOUN gleefully embraced the opportunity to work with IAM terrorists."

"At the end of the operation, we made FIRSTNAME believe that IAM had given OBJECTPRONOUN access to drone strikes. FIRSTNAME wasted no time in organizing what would have been an unprecedented act of mass murder, had this whole thing not been a carefully controlled sting operation. It sends chills down my spine when I consider what might have happened had FIRSTNAME LASTNAME not been exposed."

"This is a tragic event", says CEO Alex DuMaurier, speaking to a group of approved media representatives. "But it also confirms the importance of the work we are doing here at AlethiCorp. Were it not for our information management efforts, there is no telling how many innocents might have been killed by FIRSTNAME LASTNAME's terrorist acts.

"However, we must remember that FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, and others like OBJECTPRONOUN, are misguided souls, who should be pitied, not hated. We are working with the Larkhill Resettlement Council to resettle TITLE LASTNAME to a high-security location, where PRONOUN can live POSSESSIVE life, without being a danger to ordinary citizens. Let us hope that PRONOUN will one day find a measure of peace."

Added Mx. DuMaurier: "In retrospect, we should have seen it coming. Those 'BEARTYPE' types are never reliable. I will ensure that steps are taken to improve our hiring processes."

Earlier today, FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, a recently employed Associate Consultant, was conclusively proven to be a dangerous terrorist working for IAM, the notorious subversive hacker collective.

"What makes the matter even worse," continues Mr. Jönsson, "Is that FIRSTNAME is now trying to claim that PRONOUN was merely playing along with the hackers, as part of some ludicrous triple-agent scheme. Why, PRONOUN is even saying that security was aware of this. Luckily, there are tons of employees who can testify to the absurdity of this claim. TITLE LASTNAME would do well to accept responsibility for POSSESSIVE crimes, if PRONOUN wants any chance of clemency."

"This is a tragic event", says CEO Alex DuMaurier, speaking to a group of approved media representatives. "But it also confirms the importance of the work we are doing here at AlethiCorp. Were it not for our information management efforts, there is no telling how many innocents might have been killed by FIRSTNAME LASTNAME's terrorist acts.

"However, we must remember that FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, and others like OBJECTPRONOUN, are misguided souls, who should be pitied, not hated. We are working with the Larkhill Resettlement Council to resettle TITLE LASTNAME to a high-security location, where PRONOUN can live POSSESSIVE life, without being a danger to ordinary citizens. Let us hope that PRONOUN will one day find a measure of peace."

Added Mx. DuMaurier: "In retrospect, we should have seen it coming. Those 'BEARTYPE' types are never reliable. I will ensure that steps are taken to improve our hiring processes."

There has been a shocking development in the case against FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, who, as you may recall, was recently revealed to be an IAM operative.

When Information Acquisition agents attempted to apprehend TITLE LASTNAME, a giant bear appeared out of fucking nowhere and attacked them! The agents barely escaped with their lives!

"It was the craziest thing I have ever seen in my life," says a witness who lives close to TITLE LASTNAME. "When the agents knocked on the door, it flew off the handles and knocked them to the ground. Then the bear appeared in the doorway. Its roar was like a lightning bolt striking a volcano."

"The agents opened fire, but that just made it angrier. It swiped the guns from their hands with one of its mighty claws, and they ran for their lives. Then TITLE LASTNAME appeared in the doorway and mounted the bear. They rode off towards the sunset, swift as the wind, and PRONOUN smiled to me as they passed."

"I have seen that bear before," says Benedetto Tornincasa, a human relations consultant. "FIRSTNAME brought it to several of our company events, but it seemed very peaceful then. I had no idea it possessed such impressive martial prowess."

"Our agents will be avenged," proclaims Vitaly Vedenin, head of Information Acquisition for the UK branch. "I have already dispatched one of our best men, and he is currently pursuing TITLE LASTNAME in a crazy adventure across the Eurasian continent. I expect to hear from him shortly."

After a week of hard work involving several departments, another important AlethiCorp investigation has concluded successfully. The investigation involved subversive elements connected to the social milieu around Cambridge and has resulted in numerous arrests.

"The investigation turned out to be about something far bigger than we first suspected," says Sandra Silvern, head of the personal information team at the UK branch. "The whole thing started when it was brought to our attention that a local young author had recently published a highly subversive work. This is not illegal in itself, of course, but raised suspicions that he might be connected to more militant groups."

"In collaboration with Information Acquisition, our consultants soon uncovered a subversive conspiracy. The author turned out to be connected to subversive student groups, who were not only attempting to subvert their fellow students, but also planning outright acts of terror."

"Our agents should be commended for their bravery," says Vitaly Vedenin, head of Information Acquisition. "At great risk to their personal safety, department assets managed to infiltrate these subversive student groups and gather information on their terrorist plans."

"Not only that, but they also managed to prove that the terrorist groups were connected to IAM, the notorious subversive hacker collective, and were even trying to subvert the media. Our citizens can rest assured that the integrity of the fourth estate has been secured."

"I would also like to give a shout-out to the excellent consultants in the personal information team", says Sandra Silvern. "Without experienced employees such as Sháo Jingfei and Salvinu Manduca, this investigation would not have been nearly as successful."

"This is a day of triumph", says CEO Alex DuMaurier, speaking to a group of approved media representatives. "And it also confirms the importance of the work we are doing here at AlethiCorp. Were it not for our information management efforts, subversive groups would be free to pursue their activities, to the detriment of decent citizens."

"However, we must remember that such people, are misguided souls, who should be pitied, not hated. We are working with the Larkhill Resettlement Council to resettle everyone involved to more appropriate locations, where they can be safely rehabilitated. Let us hope that they will one day find their places, as a productive citizens of the Union."

After a week of hard work involving several departments, an important AlethiCorp investigation has reached a shocking conclusion. The investigation involved subversive elements connected to the social milieu around Cambridge and has revealed that Cédric Kinsinger, the famous journalist, was connected to both terrorist student groups, as well as IAM, the notorious subversive hacker collective.

"But that was only the beginning," continues Sandra Silvern. "To our great surprise, these groups turned out to be connected to the famous journalist Cédric Kinsinger, who was helping them spread their subversive ideas, and attended the meetings where they planned their terrorist activities."

"I would also like to give a shout-out to the excellent consultants in the personal information team", says Sandra Silvern. "Without experienced employees such as Sháo Jingfei and Salvinu Manduca, Mr. Kinsinger might have escaped justice indefinitely."

"This is a day of triumph", says CEO Alex DuMaurier, speaking to a group of approved media representatives. "And it also confirms the importance of the work we are doing here at AlethiCorp. Were it not for our information management efforts, subversives such as Mr. Kinsinger would be free to pursue their activities, to the detriment of decent citizens."

"Ever since the Iberostar report, there have been suspicions that Mr. Kinsinger might have subversive sympathies, but were it not for our efforts, he might never have been exposed for what he really is. Our citizens can now rest assured that the integrity of the fourth estate has been restored."

"However, we must remember that Mr. Kinsinger and his accomplices are misguided souls, who should be pitied, not hated. We are working with the Larkhill Resettlement Council to resettle Mr. Kinsinger to a high-security location, where he can live his life, without being a danger to ordinary citizens. Let us hope that he will one day find a measure of peace."

There has been a shocking development in the case against FIRSTNAME LASTNAME, who, as you may recall, was recently revealed to be an IAM operative.

When Information Acquisition agents attempted to apprehend TITLE LASTNAME, they discovered that PRONOUN had somehow managed to kidnap Andrea Schueler, the head of the Literature department at the UK branch, and was using her as a hostage. Agents were forced to retreat to ensure the safety of Miss Schueler. TITLE LASTNAME escaped in a blue Ford Thunderbird convertible and was last seen heading south, along with POSSESSIVE hostage.

"This vile act of cowardice will not go unpunished," says Vitaly Vedenin, head of Information Acquisition for the UK branch. "I have already dispatched one of our best men, and he is currently in pursuit of TITLE LASTNAME. I expect that Miss Schueler will be returned to us safely any time now."